First Storyy. (low Self-esteem)

Heyy, so this is myy first storyy..

Low Self-Esteem

Around myy Middle School Days is when i started too reallyy notice how i look and feel about myself.. I came out in the open about being Gayy in myy 6th Grade year and i knew i liked guys. but myy looks took a bit of a toll on myself, i have dated thousands of girls in myy time and a few guys. but Anyone in middle school that knew me would tell you "Yes, He is Cute", "He's Tall, Skinnyy, Nice lips, etc." but never did i feel right in myy skin.. Yes i am tall (6'2) but i am not a fan of myy height, i been told being tall is a good thing, but i have yet too see it.. i have found guys that like me being tall, i have found people that tell me "i wish i was your height" but in myy head, im like "for what?" i look in the mirror and just hate what i see, its onlyy when i sit down in front of the mirror doing myy hair, putting on make-up for an hour that i sort of feel cute.. i look in the mirror maybe about 50x a dayy but onlyy because i feel uglyy, i feel there is something i have too do in order too get cute, i am always holding in myy fat belllyy and i am always trying too make sure myy hair looks okayy but its not like i feel cute just feel "O.K" looking.. Being gayy the "cute-o-meter" is even higher, i look at all these gayy guys and wow, anybodyy will tell you that gayy guys are the Hottest of Men.. i tell myself if i was cute i would have a boyfriend, if i was cute ill find a guyy who would put in the effort too get me too see them, if i was cute i would have guys message me and texts me for more then just 1week.. i tryy going too the gym too get a nice bodyy, i smile at the mirror for at least 5mins a dayy and tryy too tell myself i am cute.
i do like who i am, i do like the heart and soul i have, i am 100% happyy with myself, but i am just not happyy with myy looks.. i am nice, sweet, i have a good heart, i have a kind soul, but i feel because of myy looks no one bothers, i mean, i cant even keep a boyfriend for more then 3months.. i dont know whats wrong with me, i dont know what it is that others see, but i just cant look in the mirror and see myself as cute.. i just wish i was cute enough for someone, i justy wish i would feel cute about myself..
Being in high school now, i dont feel cute at all,
i dont like myy feet(being in dance myy feet have gotten uglyy)
i dont like myy knees, theyy are just weird,
i dont like myy butt, its too small,
i dont like myy **** its not monster huge,
i dont like myy bellyy i feel 500 pounds are just sitting there,
i dont like myy chest or myy "boobs"
i dont like myy nipples,
i dont like myy fingers or myy elbows..
i dont like myy shoulders or myy low back.
i dont like myy ears or cheeks,.
i dont like myy lips, or myy nose,
i dont like myy eyeys or myy eyebrows,
there is not one thing about myy physical looks that i like..

Maybe one dayy ill see what others "sayy" theyy see, just.. not todayy...

bbkyc1 bbkyc1
18-21, M
May 25, 2012