On The Outside Looking In

I have been working on raising my self esteem level over the past several years. I was making some progress, I have minor issues every now and then when clothes don't fit right, I can't find anything to wear, or have a bad day. But overall I was feeling better about myself. My issues lie in my appearance. On the inside I am confident of who I am and love my diva princess ways. But when it comes to how I look on the outside I don't think I match up, but as I said I was getting a lot better. The increase in my self esteem is credited to the best friend I have ever had. Without her I would not be who I am today. Even though she might not realize, I do look up to her. My mom has also been another one to help me be better and feel better about myself. My mom is my role model and I think she is beautiful. I have pictures of her when she was my age and I have always been told I look like her, which really helps with my self esteem. Because if my mom is beautiful and I look like her, then I can't be ugly!

In the past some family friends have made a statement that I look like my dad...bad idea. That threw me back some because I don't want to be known as looking like him. Now don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but we don't exactly have the ideal relationship. I am the total opposite of him. As I said earlier, I am a diva and a princess (but not snobby). My dad on the other hand is very country, actually redneck (not to offend anyone, please don't take it that way). I have nothing against those styles, I am just not that way, I am a city girl---I don't even have a country accent! Well getting to my point. I am home for the semester break from college and my parents wanted me to come down the street to the neighbor's that they are friends with and meet them. I go and the first words out of both of their mouths is talking on and on about how I look like my dad and only have a few features of my mom. That was like a slap, no punch, in the face. I was ignoring it at first, but then when they brought it up AGAIN, it wasn't bearable anymore. Within moments of the conversation I started feeling like I was ugly and look like a guy. Then just sitting there seeing them, it was as if I didn't belong there at all. This showed me that this couple are a lot like my dad and I really do not fit in with them at all. I mean I couldn't even join in the conversation. I was on the verge of crying from everything. Luckily, I have been sick with a cold and cough and got my dad to take me home. As soon as he dropped me off and I got in the house, the tears began to flow. I decided to take a long hot bath and try to calm myself. Now I can't get the thought of me looking like my dad out of my head. Just when I thought I was finally becoming happy with myself, this happens. I am sorry if this has been boring for any of you, but I had to get off my chest.
shiningstar13 shiningstar13
26-30, F
Dec 15, 2012