He Made It Worse

I recently had someone ask me if I suffered from low self esteem in which I replied yes. He began to tell me how I shouldn't because I am a very attractive man. He then made comments about how I should stop telling myself that I'm ugly and I should not feel bad about having kinky hair or dark skin.

Well, I appreciate his concern but he came off totally wrong. If we were the same race and he had kinky hair and dark skin then maybe I would have felt where he was coming from but that wasn't the case. I never once said that my low self esteem was directly related to my looks. Of course I have faced prejudice based on my hair and skin color in my life but honestly I have always taken pride in what I look like. For him to assume that I think I'm ugly or I hate my hair and skin was ignorance on his part. It kind of felt like he was projecting his own feelings about how I look onto me and it made me cringed because he thought he was helping me but he was actually making things worse.

I admit I have suffered with low self esteem for years. I can also admit that sometimes I haven't been totally happy about the way I looked but it was never related to me wanting to have a different texture hair or skin color. Most of my self esteem issues stem from the way I have been treated in life not the way I look. Thanks for nothing.
eyeconfess eyeconfess
31-35, M
1 Response Jan 27, 2013

I hear you.I am dealing with some of the same issues you are dealing with. When people offer gratuitous advice - like telling someone who is depressed "to just cheer up!" or "it's just in your head" ... they do not realize how patronizing and condescending they are. They are not in our shoes and they cannot comprehend our feelings.Having said that, some people are sincerely trying to be helpful and supportive, but they just don't know how to properly express themselves.