I Have Low Self Esteem
I was giving a lesson on Saturday and I'd asked my student to invent the ending of a text we'd read together the previous week which he did but in a rather odd way. Firstly, it resembled more a juxtaposition of sentences and ideas which didn't necessarily have any logical relation. One sentence stood out instantly as I was reading:
"I am just a poor boy who can't invent the ending to a good story, sorry."
This really upset me. The way he qualifies himself as being "poor" as opposed to the story which is "good" did not go unseen. When I pointed this out to him he didn't really react, merely smiled and lowered his eyes, saying something about how he hadn't even noticed it. This kid is a nice guy and even though he may not be the brightest of people he is nonetheless a serious guy who lacks self esteem. I think this is why I'm so fond of him. Sure, I get annoyed at times but I am attached to him. He reminds me of myself, who I was when I was his age, just as insecure and eager to please. Those who know me will probably think to themselves that I still am a pretty insecure person but I'm far less so than I was only a couple of years ago. I remember finding it near impossible to say no to people for fear of offending them. Obviously, many took advantage of this I became an easy target. This ended last year when a friend asked if he could stay with me for a while after a breakup. I said yes and almost instantly regretted it. 2 months and a couple hundred thousand bust ups and nights spent sleeping in a car later, I asked him to leave. A monumental scene followed and even though I do wish things had turned out differently, I now know how to say no. If people don't take no for an answer then they're just not worth bothering about. This is what I failed to see for so long. It's a bit pathetic really that I was so oblivious and afraid to "impose" myself but I have/had this fear of people hating me if they knew who I really am. So, maybe I do still lack self esteem...or is it self loving?
"I am just a poor boy who can't invent the ending to a good story, sorry."
This really upset me. The way he qualifies himself as being "poor" as opposed to the story which is "good" did not go unseen. When I pointed this out to him he didn't really react, merely smiled and lowered his eyes, saying something about how he hadn't even noticed it. This kid is a nice guy and even though he may not be the brightest of people he is nonetheless a serious guy who lacks self esteem. I think this is why I'm so fond of him. Sure, I get annoyed at times but I am attached to him. He reminds me of myself, who I was when I was his age, just as insecure and eager to please. Those who know me will probably think to themselves that I still am a pretty insecure person but I'm far less so than I was only a couple of years ago. I remember finding it near impossible to say no to people for fear of offending them. Obviously, many took advantage of this I became an easy target. This ended last year when a friend asked if he could stay with me for a while after a breakup. I said yes and almost instantly regretted it. 2 months and a couple hundred thousand bust ups and nights spent sleeping in a car later, I asked him to leave. A monumental scene followed and even though I do wish things had turned out differently, I now know how to say no. If people don't take no for an answer then they're just not worth bothering about. This is what I failed to see for so long. It's a bit pathetic really that I was so oblivious and afraid to "impose" myself but I have/had this fear of people hating me if they knew who I really am. So, maybe I do still lack self esteem...or is it self loving?
By:
louisthepearl
Age:
22-25
,
Female
