What to Change About Me. (for Men Mostly)

I got this email and I thought it was pretty interesting.  I shared with with a friend of mine who has great confidence and esteem.  He said that it is 99% true.  He has gone down this path several times.  It is about what women find annoying about men.  I am putting it here because it seems that a fair share of low self esteem and coupled with low self confidence are from being rejected or left by a partner.

I hope that it helps.


What Annoys Women, AND What Attracts Them

   If you listen to women talk about men, you'll
often hear them use the word "ANNOYING" to
describe certain men and certain things that some
men DO.

   Now, as you can probably guess, it's not
usually a good thing when a woman uses this
particular word to describe a guy...

   And, as you can ALSO probably guess, when a
woman uses this particular word, it's not usually
about guys who she is ATTRACTED to (although this
isn't always true).

   Now, it's taken me a few years of paying
attention to really get a handle on what women are
talking about when they say, "He's annoying" or
"It's so annoying when he does that".

   And guess what I realized was at the ROOT of
women finding a guy or his behavior annoying?




   Here are some of the things that many women
consider to be "annoying":

- Calling her too often

- Telling her that you have "feelings" for her too

- Giving away your power to her and making her the

- Always asking a woman what she wants instead of

- Acting submissive and weak

- Accepting her demands, bossy-ness, and
manipulative requests

- Being her doormat and putting your own needs

   "WHAT?" you say.

   "HOW COULD THIS BE?"... you might be thinking.

   How is it possible that demonstrating your
affection for a woman by calling her, telling her
how you feel, letting her make the decisions, and
putting her first could be considered ANNOYING, of
all things?

   Well guess what?

   IT IS.

   Women, and ESPECIALLY the most ATTRACTIVE and
desirable women, usually consider the above things
to be VERY annoying.

   Of course, the reason for this is because no
matter how good these kinds of behaviors seem on
the surface, there's only one conclusion that can
be drawn from them:




   Now, do I really, really, REALLY mean that
women are NEVER, EVER attracted to Wussies?

   I mean, isn't that an over- generalization?

   Nothing is always true, right?

   Well, this one IS.

   Actually, what I MEAN is...

   As far as generalizations go, this particular
one is as close to being true all the time as they

   And just in case I haven't said this enough,
let me say it one more time... just to make sure
it's clear:


   So now you understand why all of the "nice"
things that you've done for women seem to always
result in the woman pulling away.

   It's because she finds your nice-guy "Wuss"
behaviors to be ANNOYING.


   To further confuse things, you'll often hear a
woman say something to the effect of...

   "I want a STRONG guy who is also SENSITIVE..."


   "He needs to have his own life, his own
interests, and his own friends, but also be
totally focused on me..."

   I see things like this in women's personal ads
all the time. I'm sure you've seen things like
this yourself.

   Women often talk about wanting a combination of
things in a man that just don't seem to fit...

   So what's going on here?

   Are women crazy? (Yes.)

   But seriously, what are they talking about?

   How is it that women seem to always talk about
wanting men who have these qualities that don't
fit together?

   I know that I personally used to hear this
stuff and then say to myself "OK, well I've got
the sensitive part covered so I guess I need to
start acting a little bit stronger."

   I thought that maybe this came down to getting
my lazy *** to the gym and working out. You know,
to become "stronger".

   No, I'm serious.

   Well, here's the BIG REALIZATION that I had...

   I've now realized that I had it all wrong.

   Instead of thinking to myself that I was a
nice, sensitive guy that needed to become a little
stronger, what I really needed was to become a
strong guy who could also act sensitive on

   The difference seems almost like word-play, but
it's not. Not at all.

   You see, when a woman says that she wants a
"strong guy who's also sensitive", that's what she

   She wants a guy who's STRONG. The sensitive
part is far more "optional" than the STRONG part.

   This is why women often date jerks and guys who
are emotionally unavailable, and don't date us
"nice guys" who would do anything for them.


   Women do not sit down and make a list of the
qualities that a particular guy has, then think it
over it for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not

   NO WAY.

   It happens in an INSTANT, and it happens for
all kinds of "illogical" reasons... reasons that
even the woman who is feeling it can't usually

   So what's the answer here?

   The answer here is to realize that many of the
things you do when you're around women that you
feel attracted to, are considered ANNOYING by
those women.

   You must understand that you sometimes have to
do things that SEEM to be "inconsiderate" in order
to give a woman what she REALLY wants (which is a
man who is in control of himself, the situation,
and often her).

   Raise your right hand, and repeat after me...

   "I will stop being a Wussy around women."

   "I will stop being a Wussy around women."

   "I will stop being a Wussy around women."

   Stop doing things that say "I'm a Wussy",
because those are the very things that women find

   And START doing the things that you're learning

   Lean back. Act Cocky & Funny around women. Bust
on them and give them a hard time. And LEAD the
way, don't follow.

   Now, one of the problems that a lot of guys run
into is "putting together" different personality
traits that don't seem to go together.

   Women say that they want guys who are funny...
but also strong.

   Many of the things women SAY they want seem
like they CONFLICT with each other.

   What's a guy to do?

   Well, THE FIRST thing a guy should do is learn
what WORKS.

   Not what SOUNDS like it might work.

   Not what SHOULD work.

   And not what is SUPPOSED to work.


   I personally spent several years trying to
figure out what "works". Why did it take me so

   Because, as it turns out, I started out with a
HUGE disadvantage.

   And I'm not talking about a disadvantage like a
big nose (which I have).

   I'm talking about a disadvantage like BAD

   I had a "map" in my mind... of how I thought I
should behave around women... and it turned out to

   The most frustrating part was that when I did
the things that SHOULD work, they made women UN-

   It was as if the world wasn't working right.

   I would be sweet and nice, and a woman would
not want to talk to me.

   I would call often and share my feelings with
her, and she would fall for the rude jerk who
could care less about treating her well.

   Well, as you might already know, sometimes I'm
a "glutton for punishment".

   Translation: I stuck with it anyway. I kept
trying to figure out what works... even though the
things I was doing WEREN'T working.

   The magic "breakthrough" came ONLY after I
started making friends with and watching guys who
were VERY successful with women... then putting
what I knew about psychology and behavior together
with the NEW stuff I was learning "in the field".

   What I discovered was literally SHOCKING to me.

   I can remember slapping myself on the forehead,
shaking my noggin, and laughing to myself... as I
watched some of my new friends who were good with
women... doing things that just plain SHOULDN'T
work... but that DID work.

   Here's one of the lessons I learned:

   Body Language is more important than WORD

   In fact, you can have the smoothest "pick up
lines" in the world... but if you don't understand
Body Language, the woman you're talking to CAN'T
feel ATTRACTION for you.

   Here's another one:

   Doing "nice" things for a woman doesn't make
her any more likely to feel ATTRACTION for you. In
fact, most of these things BACKFIRE... and wind up
pushing her AWAY.

   Here's a third lesson I learned:

   Even though "jerks" and "bad boys" don't treat
women well, it doesn't mean that women don't feel
ATTRACTION for them.

   In fact, women often report feeling INCREDIBLY
attracted to these kinds of men... so powerfully,
in fact, that they can't CONTROL these feelings...

   As I was learning these interesting and
"counter intuitive" lessons, I also began
documenting the specific things that the guys who
were "naturals" with women did... in order to
attract women.

   One of my BIGGEST realizations was that
literally ANY guy can attract women... if he just
understands how ATTRACTION works.

   And any guy can use the secrets that "jerks"
and "bad boys" have discovered and used... WITHOUT
being abusive or mean.

   In fact, if you LEAVE OUT the meanness or
abuse, a woman will be FAR more likely to STAY


I hope that this works for you.  If it doesn't then keep it for reference.


mtvlm mtvlm
41-45, M
1 Response Feb 12, 2009

I like this article - I think it has something to it....<br />
<br />
I was telling someone tonight that I feel sorry for men these days - how do they even know if they are coming and going with all the advice out there???<br />
<br />
I have read quite a bit lately about this particular topic though and I like the sound of it for me!<br />
<br />
here are 2 more articles:<br />
<br />
http://www.takeninhand.com/node/<br />
<br />
http://www.askmen.com/dating/vanessa_100/111_love_secrets.html<br />
<br />
see what you think!