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I'm So Pathetic

A personal story in the experience: I Have Low Self Esteem
   I remember when I was a happy teenager. Everything was perfect with a life full of dreams. Since collage everything went down, I studied something I didn't like. I was an straight A's student but never liked my studies. In consequence, I never got a job during collaga time and I started to feel like a loser. All my classmates and my friends got good jobs and are doing great things with their lifes but not me. I'm almost 30 and I am still the same loser. I feel like a burden to my parents, I'm short, I have no confidence at all. I spent most of my time playing the piano alone in my room (I'm not good at it) or drawing (which is a good but empty hobby). These are the only two things I do in my life. I have failed in everything I ever wanted. My friends are starting to get married and they avoid me 'cause I'm the only one with no wife or girlfriend (that's what I feel). Women don't get close to me 'cause I am a *** parasite with no job.

   I'm sure that the first impression I give is a bad one. I prefer to spend time on my own. I sleep a lot now 'cause in my dreams I'm a better person. I have nothing to give to the world and if I have people don't want to hear it. I'm just a pathetic loser who deserves death and being forgotten. When I die I want to be creamated and someone throw my ashes to the river. I don't want a plaque and I would like my face being scratched from all pictures so no one can remember me. I don't deserve to be remember. I don't deserve to be loved. I only deserve oblivion.

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Posted May 24th, 2009 at 1:56AM
Why didnt it work out? Have you ever thought about it?
     
Posted May 24th, 2009 at 2:08AM
Sounds like you're in a depression. I think speaking to a professional might help; or at least reading one of Dorothy Rowe's excellent books on the subject, which I keep recommending: "Depression, the way out of your prison"; "Breaking the Bonds".
     
Feeling apathetic
Posted May 24th, 2009 at 4:11AM
I agree with JMO, you're depressed and I can perhaps guess where it comes from.

You didn't study what you liked and that was what happened to me too. I liked art but I was no good at it so going to art school was definitely a nightmare for me.

I think I came out of all of it by finding something I really love and do it. If I were you, I'd try making more out of the drawing hobby. Who knows?

Hang in there, friend. I hope you can still find the way out!
     
Posted May 24th, 2009 at 3:07PM
well.. thats quite a harsh thing to say to yourself. But you need to fogive yourself. Your giving up. You need to do it over again.. if first you don't suceed then try try again.. thats the saying.. anyways.. even if you don't get the best job at first. apply somewhere small.. and chip in with the bills. don't loose all sence of hope.. You will find someone who loves you if you make an effort and try to get out of this hole.. sitting back and dwelling in it will make the depression worse. I also agree that talking to a professional and maybe going on some medication will help with the depression. good luck!! don't give up..
     
Posted May 24th, 2009 at 9:20PM
dont be like that if its one thing ive learned is that people dont realize how much they mean to other people if you kill your self thats the most selfish thing you can do and dont say that no one loves you because that is a lie your just being hard on your self you mean alot to me and your family and friends and dont be hard on your self were human what did you expect ??
     
Posted Aug 26th, 2009 at 6:12PM
i agree with the people here. keep trying. im sure you'd find a job. theres a saying, "AFTERALL FAILURE IS THE FIRST STEP TO SUCCESS."
     
Posted Aug 26th, 2009 at 6:38PM
Don't talk like that about yourself. You are way to hard on yourself! It's easy to look at others and assume their lives are so great. But the truth would surprise you I bet. Every one has to deal with hardship in their lives. No one can escape. Everybody is telling you the truth here. Don't give up!!
     
Posted Aug 26th, 2009 at 11:47PM
Thanks all for all your kind comments. I doing better right, not totally ok but a lot better.
     
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