Due To Many Years Of Bullying

I pretty much have noo self esteem due to many years of bullying, basically everyone made fun of the way I looked, and I admit I'm not the best looking girl out there but I wouldn't wish the kind of treatment I got on anybody. I'm trying to be more confident in myself but its pretty hard, 7 years of hell did allot of emotional damage and now it seems like everywhere I go people are judging me.

In fact, I think the only place no one has ever judged me like that is online, possibly because 1 photo dosn't relaly give much away or because so many people who also have been through that kind of hell know whats it like.


I don't know, I trying to get my self esteem back but it will probably never be fully restored.

CGFE CGFE 16-17, F 52 Responses Jan 21, 2010

Your Response


eypu deserve to be happy so work for that :)

I can completely relate. Sometimes the way we grew up scars us and it never fully heals. Like a plant that wasn't watered adequately, the way others treat us always takes root in us. I hope that you realize that you are perfect because you are individually you, and no one can define you negatively, because that would hint you're supposed to be different, and you're not supposed to be any different... because being you... just like you are... is what makes you perfectly you! :) <3

I have exactly same situation you facing now, it been almost five years since i have got acne and changed my appearance alot, I dont have social life, and tryna treat my skin every single day, Sometimes i feel like it is one kind of my life challenge that can makes me better person, but it s really hard to face to bullying, every time i bullied by someone i feel down, and just wanna die, sicking of my hell life, and now i am trying to not cares what others saying life is life, cannot be same all the time.

It can be re-stored sweetheart I was bullied at school x

many people judge by looks before they get to know who the person really is :(

You know i have been trough the same kind of thing. And the hardest part for me is that i cant talk to anyone about it. If i tell my friends from school they will say no your pretty their is nothing wrong with you. But they just don't understand me, so if you want to talk feel welcome.

You shouldn't assume that people are only nice online 'cause they can't see you clearly through your picture, a lot of people are nice because they don't really care what you look like.. they care how you are on the inside. Now, do not understand this as me saying you're ugly,actually, what I can see of you tells me you're far from it.

I know what you've been through is tough, and it's hard to overcome or erase, but if you can spend as much time as you spent outside of yourself, wandering through what everyone thinks, and go inside yourself to see the real you, you can begin to love yourself and therefore have confidence in it.

Easier said than done, like anything in this life, but try as hard as you can and surround yourself with people who see you for who you are, even if they only exist online, online people are real ones after all.

I know what it's like and I am too trying to restore confidence in myself, if you need to talk or vent or anything, I'm right here..

take care :)

It was the same with me people used to take the mick out of me because my hair was short, they used to call me ''mushroom'' and ''willy wonka'', nobody really liked me but i got used to it all, in the end it had stopped i never really had confidents and i never put my hand up in class but now i realise it doesnt matter what people think, its what u think not them!!

plse feel free to add me if u need to talk

hey if ud like to be friends and talk u can add me if u want to

Thing about bullies is, someone probably messed them up too and they are projecting their own inadequacy.

At the same time, don't beat up on yourself too!

If someone was ragging on your best friend how would you feel? MAD AS HELL. Would probably even say that jerk doesn't even know your friend to be talking about them at all...

Extend yourself the same courtesy. No one is perfect, we are perfect in our imperfections. When I was growing up I was bully and disliked. You know bullies create targets and others jump on the bandwagon. I used to just avoid everyone. That was then, now I have so many real friends who would do anything for me, I am so blessed. I found so many friends by being a great friend. I am not perfect, I am zany, and quirky, and in the end that's what others like about me.

hey add me plse

sorry to hear this.

people that judge and make fun are people with closed minds.

You are the one and only person that can possibly be you. Years of torment don't go away. They do get less. You are oviously strong or you would have not found your way here.

Relax & become really happy with yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, does or says if you can be happy with yourself. Don't be tempted to believe these people, they are wrong and inside you know it.

You shouldn't hate them for what they have done. You should pity them. Hate will consume you not give you peace. Their feeble minds deserve pity for they will probably never be more than they are now.

I wish you well.

I could see you in person, tell you you're gorgeous and I know it would have no effect at all.

one things that I know that REALLY hels low self esteem - it sounds sooooo crazy. is . . . art. take an art class are start doing something physical like martial arts or a dance class. the improvements that you make and the stuff you accomplish with your body give you goood self esteem. just my 2 cents.

hey if u wanna talk or be friends anytime u want its ok with me id love to be ur friend and chat with u

Your beautiful their just jealous because their not as beautiful as you are. There for they don't know what to do the next time that someone saids anything to you tell them thank you it will shock them and eventually they stop. I know because I'm disabled and they did the same thing to me.

Sorry, not everyone is pretty or intelligent or strong or wise or talented in everything they do. Our society rates beauty and sporting talent way to highly unfortunately. Beautiful people can actually be quite ugly inside and the physically talented sometimes none to bright. Your happiness cannot, and should not, revolve around what others think and say. Easy to say, right? What others think of you should not define what or who you are. Work on regaining your self esteem one day at a time and remember: only you can let another take it away. Do something with your life to help others less fortunate. Donate time to a charity for the elderly, or children, or animals. These are the things that should make you proud of your self and your actions. This builds self esteem. Try and not focus so much on the trivialities of life, which is hard when you are young.

I think you're stunning just the way you are, take all that crap and throw it in a dumpster sweetheart!! they made you feel that way because you were somebody they wanted to be.

This might help with your self esteem if you ever need anyone to tlk to message me

Step One

Stop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. If you play the comparison game, you'll run into too many "opponents" you can't defeat.

Step Two

Stop putting yourself down. You can't develop high self-esteem if you repeat negative phrases about yourself and your abilities. Whether speaking about your appearances, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, or any other aspects of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments.

Step Three

Accept all compliments with "thank you." Ever received a compliment and replied," Oh, it was nothing." When you reject a compliment, the message you give yourself is that you are not worthy of praise. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You."

Step Four

Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.

Step Five

Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem. Whatever material you allow to dominate mind will eventually take root and affect your behavior. If you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. Similarly, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.

Step Six

Associate with positive, supportive people. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered. On the other hand, when you are accepted and encouraged, you feel better about yourself in the best possible environment to raise your self-esteem.

Step Seven

Make a list of your past successes. This doesn't necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments. It can include your "minor victories," like learning to skate, graduating from high school, receiving an award or promotion, reaching a business goal, etc. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.

Step Eight

Make a list of your positive qualities. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it's important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn't working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you'll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.

Step Nine

Start giving more. I'm not talking about money. Rather, I mean that you must begin to give more of yourself to those around your. When you do things for others, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which, in turn, lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem.

Step Ten

Get involved in work and activities you love. It's hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you despise. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. Even if you can't explore alternative career options at the present time, you can still devote leisure time to hobbies and activities, which you find stimulating and enjoyable.

Step Eleven

Be true to yourself. Live your own life - not the life others have decided is best for you. You'll never gain your own respect and feel good about yourself if you aren't leading the life you want to lead. If you're making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren't being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.

Step Twelve

Take action! You won't develop high self-esteem if you sit on the sidelines and back away from challenges. When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you'll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.

The "real you" is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. As your self-esteem grows, this "real you" emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren't as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem brings you peace of mind ... when you're alone, you truly appreciate the person you're with - yourself.

If that photo is you, you are far from bad looking! I hope you get to feeling better. I can see that our comments were helping you already!

Don't beat yourself up.

I was the same way, Possibly the lowest person in my whole school.

I hated going to school because I would always get picked on.

Always tried to make excuses to not go to school.

But one day I found a friend who had my back.

Possibly one of the turning points in my life now that I had someone to talk to.

Slowly I opened up more and more.

Ever since then I haven't been shy or quiet as I once was.

I changed myself.

Not to get people to like me, but so I could like myself as a person, hell, as a human being.

So I'm saying I've been where you are and it WILL get better. So if you or anyone needs someone to talk to I'm here to talk. I've been in that hole and I would constantly dig myself deeper and deeper.

But I found my best friend and she's been my best friend ever since the 7th grade.

She was all I needed.

So keep your head up! :)

just remember tht God said that since he created us, we are all beautiful. when someone bullies another person, or say a person smells bad, or say the person is ugly, or say a person is fat it's becuz they are dealing with their own insecurities. the prettier you are the more negative attention you attract. :) be confident!

Know that you are beautiful in your own way.... coz God doesnt make mistakes :p

besides, like they say, beauty lies in the eyes of beholder... so the ones who think otherwise dont really matter.

hey do some positive affirmations, louise hay is great and gives me the strength to wake up believing everything is great including me ;)

i am totally adequate for all situations

i am neither too little or too much and i do not have to prove myself to anyone


Bullies chop off the heads of others to make themselves feel taller!

I used to struggle with Self-esteem and suffered from depression from the time I was 11 to 15. But I've grown into a young, confident adult since then.

It wasn't easy but I learned to take control of myself. I couldn't look around the outside world and not feel constantly judged. To be able to see the beauty around me, I had to stop looking around and find the power in me first, then the world was my oyster. Life has so many options and don't ever let feeling less than stop you from taking them on.

What helped me was figuring out my values and learn how to assert them. I wanted to be healthy so I took on the challenge of being a vegetarian despite my family's opinions. I started teaching Sex Ed which got me thinking about future choices and how what I did in my own life influenced other people. I also stopped looking at magazines, watching tv, and listening to the radio, and going to the mall, and *hanging out with people that just made me feel *******. It helped me realize the world needn't be material and that there was no truth, no value in material objects. I learned to do things I truly enjoyed.

Find a few skills you would like to improve on. From time to time, I would divulge into some crazy random interest. Like one time I wanted to get improve my ability to speak in public so I went about finding the resources to make it possible or another time I really want to learn about criminal minds.

From time to time, I dealt with bullying. I was gothic for a long time and I just called it out said, "hey, unlike you I do whatever the hell I want instead of feeling like **** about myself and putting it on other people." Did a whole lot for me and self-esteem.

Don't take on others negativity, it's their's, let them feel it just don't make value statements of saying like, "you ugly ****"- you don't want to told that so don't say it other people.

Being young is really hard, you just have to start planting your feet somewhere. For me it was first LGBTQ issues, then it was sex education. I learned to have a voice in those areas because they were safe. I learned about who I was and I learned how to follow my own path despite everyone else's opinion.

Youth is tragic because your friends are in the same position, and are often very cruel, and it's difficult to know what you need, then it's hard to get those needs met, and it's even more difficult to change when you figure it out. Just a little bit at a time.

You can either be uncomfortable and confused because you are afraid of change or you can make a choice and find power in your ability to assert yourself.

Btw, In my younger years I didn't really think I was too attractive and felt insecure about my weight. Now, that I'm in college and comfortable with myself I have no problem talking to any guy and in fact a lot of super cuties come up to me and I am for sure not the most attractive thing in the room. (I don't even have to shave my legs for it, ha).

As you grow older guys like confident women who don't have to always over process their face and hair and which shows they still feel insecure in public. And if they do, they probably don't have the best intentions.

You've got this, start kicking *** in your own endeavors and you'll transform into a confident powerhouse. Take it from the used to be wall-flower. It takes time but be patience and compassionate with yourself. It's not overnight, relish in the little improvements.

If you have low self esteem, then You can't give Yourself self esteem , and neither can any of these nice people on here helping you. If they could then the next bully you meet which probably happens every day ,and be in your own family, can take away that strength that you so much need and desire. But there is one way that i have found through a meditation that is done simply by sitting in a straight back chair and closing your eyes and watching your own thoughts that can give you a light and strength that no one can take, not even a close friend, if you need that let me know and i will walk you through the exercise :) What i am able to do now is like people through out history have been able to keep themselves centered in the eye of the storm which as you know is very Calm :)

I have the same problem, I always worry what other people are thinking of me and I go out of my way to please my family who have really abused and used me all my life. This is causing big problems in my marriage as my husband dont understand why am being like this .I always have friends who just use me and my family as well but I always allow this people back in my life.

ive been suffering from low self esteem for almost a year now. before then i was extremely happy with my life and content in myself, i had great friends, i was performing really well at school, and everybody i knew includng mself expected me to come out of school with loads of GCSE's (the Grades we get in england), go to university and become rich and succesful. But then i moved closer to london to live with my dad, so i had to change school, leaving behind my friends and my life. For the first few months i enjoyed my new school and had managed to get myself into a group of friends who were quite popular. im kinda a good natured person who doesnt like fighting and im probably what you'd call a softy, whereas my mates were a little more violent and brutal. after a while they began to take advantage of my softness and my 'friends' would treat me like crap, taking the **** out of everything about me, which made me feel worthless. Because my friends treated me like crap, other people soon realized they could get away with treating me badly, and everytime i would say something a lot of people would tell me to shut up, i became a kinda 'verbalpunchbag'. people would put me down to make themselves feel better, some of my 'friends' would even hit me and trick me into things, because they knew i wouldnt stand up for myself, making me feel very small and stupid.

as you can imagine, my self esteem plummeted. i soon began performing crap at school, because i didnt see the point and i began to think i was stupid. I left school at 16 with probably below average exam results.

I started college in september 2010, at this ollege there was noone there that i knew, and in a way i thought 'good, it can be a fresh start, i can be the real me again'. But i guess after being treated like crap to the point where i wouldnt go outside in fear of what people would think of me took its toll, and i went to college in a shell, i was unable to break out this shell as i didnt have the confidence to speak to anybody. Whereas everybody else was forming themselves into groups, i was a loner to the point where id sit in the toilets at breaktimes and between lessons. I couldnt take it anymore so ditched college after just a month. Now im unemployed, not in education and i i dont see any friends anymore. Whenever i go out i feel like people my own age are laughing at me, even though i know they arent because at first impressions, youd think i was a normal 16 year old guy. I really want to get back on track and get back to how i was before, but im finding it extremely dificult to get out of this phase of low self esteem.

I just wanted to share this with you to let you know that your not the only one.

wow,your story is so inspiring i do relate to everything,i think you should take up some counselling,i was going through the same thing as you and i also wanted to quit college because of the same reason as you,but i just have this driven force of keep pushing,i wish you could have gone to some college counselling though because thats what am doing and it's helping a bit,i know that awkward feeling of thinking everyone is laughing at you i get it all the time'it feels like crap but then i try to be positive,like i said i relate to the whole been in a new place and feeling like yeah a new start and then starting to realise that they is that you that you were once missing,i feel so deeply for you that you had to quit i wish i was you friend @ that college,please find a way to get back to school and show all those bad people you still are strong please i beg of you.