Nowhere To Turn To

I honestly dont know what to do , this low manic low self esteem has blighted my life, made my world smaller and smaller and now i just want to kill myself, but i cant do this because it would cause my family hurt -- so what in gods name am i suppose to do?

 

Im very angry and hurt and wish i was never born into this ugly creature i see before me. I hate people that say be confident and you will always find someone blah blah, its bullsht. There used to be a time when i was completely happy -- nothing happened then and nothing ever will, ive had lots of female friends in the past -- but any hint of anything more would be met with disgust.

Im sick and tired of the notion of attraction in the world -- with some rare exceptions its completely physical. I find every girl i see in the street attractive-- but does anyone find me attractive -- no

Im coming near to my 30s and theres no hope for me to be even close to a girl , people that say its my fault can really go screw themselves -- i have only developed this hate in the last couple of years -- admittedly its not helpful at all , im sick and tired of being reminded everyday by society of what im worth.

 

I only live to work -- and this is apparently my only function in society , everything else is out of bounds because i dont belong, i used to go to bars and clubs and now i have a complete phobia of them and anywhere else there is a social aspect

Im ashamed of myself -- how can i tell people ive never had a girlfirend and keep a straight face -- i cant thats why i have to lie, im angry for lying because if they had the same physical characteristics i have -- then they would be single too, i absolutely garantee that 110%.

 

How do i get rid of this attitude -- i really need some help big time to relax because all im thinking at the moment is ending it all , but im stuck in this damn world. I dont care about being single for the rest of my life-- i can somewhat put up with that , but this negative cloud around me is ruining my life.

flush80 flush80
26-30, M
3 Responses Feb 19, 2010

there are people who feels the same way as you do but having too much frustration over having a very low self-esteem & believes there is no way to improve yourself is definitely not going to help you. dont ever give up. believe in yourself that not all are over. you can make a difference. you are precious to this world and i know there is goodness in your heart. dont waste your time, you can change and you can overcome your fears. dont worry my friend... you'll be fine.

Why do you say that this place was a waste of time?

knew this place was waste of time too