Depression And Loneliness

i have always been an up and down person.......my first marriage when i was 40 was to the most glamorous woman i had ever met from which i conclude that i have no/low self esteem and need the approbation of others. after she divorced me, i married a perfectly nice and decent honest woman whom i met on line and moved to the states (i am english)....i couldn't continue as a classical musician so i worked in a casino which i hated and now at Borders which is preferable...however, i miss that initial frisson a person gets when they meet someone special...so i got myself involved in on line dating with no real plan to leave..just to get approbation from other women.......i even left my wife once but only stayed away a week and she took me back (I had been with another woman)....i really thought i would never do it again but once more much later i went to a site where i met a very special woman...we felt i think strongly about each other but even though i can't remember what happened, she dumped me and my fragile ego was shattered and i started drinking and taking pills...i have finally stopped the drinking but i still get waves of depresssion washing over me...is there anyone out there that can understand and connect and help me....i'm at englishsteve52@gmail.com....help me if you can

steve

englishsteve52 englishsteve52
56-60, M
Feb 23, 2010