So Many I Can't Even Count

I have made so many mistakes in my life. It is never ending really. I get to the point where I don't know whether I can even trust my own instinct.

But, blindly I move forward, taking with me what possible lessons I can and hope that the next time it is not a mistake. I suppose if my life ends up filled completely with mistakes, I will be a wise old woman and some youthful person will take heed my warnings.

I could write a big long entry here about all the mistakes I have made but I'm keeping them private. One thing I have learned recently, is that there are some things just shared between you and someone you know you can really trust. As it stands, writing and reliving my mistakes does not bring my mind into a better place. My mind has been sitting in a dark corner for too long... having endured sufficient punishment for mistakes and god knows what else.

No, I need not dwell on my mistakes. The past is in the past. It only repeats by bringing it into the present. Take lessons learned and try again. Oh how I'm weary of trying again, but I must.
lisa36 lisa36
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 19, 2010

I'm in the same boat. 41-years-old and not much to show for it, at least in a material sense. I've had to learn to appreciate a lot of the more subtle aspects of myself, and to treat the myriad of mistakes I've made along the way as opportunities to improve myself. Well, that sounds good. Probably a bit too idealistic to fit that well in reality. Most days, however, I'm able to get up and still feel good about myself, even though there's (lots of) room for improvement. It's been quite a haul, mentally, over the last few years to get back to feeling normal again. Something I do notice, however, is that the problems that used to grate my nerves or knock me down twenty years ago generally don't affect me any more, not nearly as bad. Don't know if that means I'm experienced or if I've mellowed. Either way, it's good enough to know that I have and will continue to overcome my obstacles, even when watching T.V. seems a lot easier.

Yeah, college, marriage, making a fool out of myself - just to begin with. I'm 36 and having to start over again and I'm overwhelmed by the work that lies ahead of me (after so many years of working so very hard just to get what seems like nowhere) but I gotta keep telling myself it's just a new beginning. This recession has affected us all, not just me and my close friends. Though it is disheartening what has happened to us, nothing lasts forever does it? I applied to some jobs last night. Will be doing a LOT more applying this week too. I haven't had the motivation to be real aggressive with this but thanks to words and encouragement from EP friends, I'm feeling a little bit more of a spark. <br />
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Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it. :)

Trying Again Is A Must.