Painted Myself Into A Corner

I'll keep this brief. I didn't finish high school. I've gotten in trouble with debt and taxes. At age 34 I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up but even if I did the road to a real education is so long and the end so far away that I feel despairing when I think about it.
Now I seem to have also lost the knack of holding down a job. I have gotten by the last 2 years on odd jobs but have not kept a full time job for more than 2 months in that time. I am sick of the slave grind of dead end, low paying crappy jobs and every time (like now) I have to try to find another one I hate the process even more.
I'm a creative, intelligent, likeable woman with many talents that I am wasting. I'm developing a really bad attitude about life because I feel trapped in a space which is getting tighter and tighter. I have faced and triumphed over many things, even death. But I don't know what to do anymore and my life feels totally pointless and directionless. I feel like I've stopped growing as a person and don't know how to start again.
Today after staring bleakly at employment sites all afternoon I typed "I am lost" into Google and wound up here. Google never lets you down!
idnami idnami
31-35, F
1 Response May 22, 2012

While that is undoubtedly good advice the things that make me happy don't seem to pay the bills. I've been living by that exact philosophy for most of my life and so far it's been a good one, and I have to keep that in mind. I've had a WAY more interesting time of it than most people I know, but that can become part of the problem after a while. When you are out experiencing crazy adventures while other people are doing responsible things like pursuing education and careers you get disconnected from society. That disconnect can make you unpopular in many work environments, not because I'm not nice to my coworkers but when they are all talking about the tv shows they watched last night I'm thinking about the book that I'm trying to write or the seminude martial arts dance party that broke out after my last dinner gathering. God just writing that phrase makes me feel better about things. Haha! My life really is awesome. However, bad choices? Many of them. And those choices are limiting my options now and I have no idea where to begin fixing that. It's a bummer, but I will say that I'm feeling much more optimistic at the moment. When your life includes drunken half naked martial arts dance parties following gourmet cuisine concocted together with your roommate who is also a great friend, you've got decent material to work with. I think I just got a good idea for a catering company. Sorry for whining, and thanks for reading!