Baby Blues? Or Just The Blues?

Not sure what it is. Since I've had my son this past February I have been a mental wreck! It has been the worst bout with depression I have ever had in my 35 years. During my early 20s I spent four years in therapy for treatment of depression and anxiety...after I had my daughter in 2001, things got better - well, in some respects.

The worst part for me is not being able to take care of my baby like I want to. Being too broke to do anything fun with my kids or get my hair done. Wondering why I'm even alive sometimes and why people like me. I have serious self-esteem issues and let's just say that since my teeth have started rotting out of my head my esteem issues have gotten 1,000 times worse. I used to be confident - what the hell happened?

My life is surely "not together". In fact its a mess all over the place. I battle with pain pill "issues" due to my back problems, I take xanax for my anxiety and half the time it doesn't even work. Like right now for example, it's 2:27 am, I'm wide awake worrying about my life problems. Not to mention all of my short term issues, money issues, motivation issues, sleep issues, blah blah blah.

Its hard to let people in to my "world" and be fearless of being judged. I'm glad I found this outlet.