I Have Major Depressive Disorder
This depression is so heavy. It used to be an annoyance, back in some happier days; but now it has gotten so overbearing that the depression is starting to BE me. I feel lonely and worthless, and I do not have any friends. I want to sleep a lot because it seems to be the only way to escape the pain. I can't see myself as having any friends ever again; because if I try, I will only find what I always have in the past. It will always be one-sided, I will have to do all the work; and it will end the same way. The person will end up leaving me.
I want to avoid the chance of rejection as much as possible, as it is one of the things that I fear most. I feel like by going and finding friends I am just setting myself up for failure, and that I should have learned my lesson about trying to have friends.
I'm not supposed to have friends.
I am only a pair of eyes that watches the world and dreams of being able to attain the same things other people do, but that I know I will never get. I wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know where I am going in my life, and success is not something I am able to see for myself. The only future I can see for myself is being miserable and lonely for the rest of my life.
I can't seem to break myself of pushing people away, but then feeling lonely. I don't trust people. I don't trust anyone, because even the people who seemed the most reliable, were lying through their teeth the entire time.
Everyone is supposed to have a purpose. I don't think I have one. And if I do, it will more than likely be an example of 'who not to be like'.
Why was I ever even born?
I want to avoid the chance of rejection as much as possible, as it is one of the things that I fear most. I feel like by going and finding friends I am just setting myself up for failure, and that I should have learned my lesson about trying to have friends.
I'm not supposed to have friends.
I am only a pair of eyes that watches the world and dreams of being able to attain the same things other people do, but that I know I will never get. I wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know where I am going in my life, and success is not something I am able to see for myself. The only future I can see for myself is being miserable and lonely for the rest of my life.
I can't seem to break myself of pushing people away, but then feeling lonely. I don't trust people. I don't trust anyone, because even the people who seemed the most reliable, were lying through their teeth the entire time.
Everyone is supposed to have a purpose. I don't think I have one. And if I do, it will more than likely be an example of 'who not to be like'.
Why was I ever even born?
By:
chudovishche
Age:
18-21
,
Female
