I MonsterSince I was a little kid I was always looked upon as "different" from everyone else. Even my own family regarded me as "the monster." When I went out to play with the other kids it was only in the summertime, as I was always sickly in the winter. months. The other kids often called me such names as "monster," and "weirdo." "Spider-fingers" was another popular name. As a result I was a painfully shy child. I took to drawing and painting to express myself. An activity I still partake in, and make my living from today (I'm an illustrator/ fantasy artist/ tattoo artist).
At the age of six I was taken to see "The Dunwich Horror" -a horror movie which gave me such nightmares that I woke up in the hospital because I had a very minor heart attack! It was through this event that I became a fan of the works of H.P.Lovecraft.
After graduating high school at a body weight of 100 lbs. and 6' tall I took up bodybuilding and weightlifting. I actually became quite strong and filled out to a weight of 235 lbs in only 5 years! All WITHOUT steroids. It was not until age 32, that I had heart surgery for a mitral valve repair , and later an aortic valve replacement that I was diagnosed with "marfan's" or "something very similar." I still continue to workout, play racquetball, and act (as a hobby). I was told I wouldn't live past 55 years of age by the doctors at the university. I'm 45 now and am counting down the days. I've got my "bucket list" and have done a few things on there.
Today I am still often called "the creepy one" or "the monster" in the shop where I work.And The characters I play in movies or onstage are usually the "villains." I have made it a point to never marry or have children. At this point I really don't see much need for either. Since I was never fully "accepted" by "normal" people and on more than one occasion, I was actually told I "wasn't human." . I no-longer fully accept "them" (normal people). I have since taken to rejecting all "normal humans" from my life. Yep, it's a defense maneuver. But this is how I have been conditioned. And with 10 or less years left. I see no reason to change now.
jonathanz64 41-45, M 4 Responses 1 May 29, 2010