I Monster

    Since I was a little kid I was always looked upon as "different" from everyone else. Even my own family regarded me as "the monster."  When I went out to play with the other kids it was only in the summertime, as I was always sickly in the winter. months. The other kids often called me such names as "monster," and "weirdo." "Spider-fingers" was another popular name. As a result I was a painfully shy child. I took to drawing and painting to express myself. An activity I still partake in, and make my living from today (I'm an illustrator/ fantasy artist/ tattoo artist).
     At the age of six I was taken to see  "The Dunwich Horror" -a  horror movie which gave me such nightmares that I woke up in the hospital because I had a very minor heart attack! It was through this event that I became a fan of the works of H.P.Lovecraft.
     After graduating high school at a body weight of 100 lbs. and 6' tall I took up bodybuilding and weightlifting. I actually became quite strong and filled out to a weight of 235 lbs in only 5 years! All WITHOUT steroids. It was not until age 32, that  I had heart surgery for a mitral valve repair , and later an aortic valve replacement that I was diagnosed with "marfan's" or "something very similar." I still continue to workout, play racquetball, and act (as a hobby). I was told I wouldn't live past 55 years of age by the doctors at the university. I'm 45 now and am counting down the days. I've got my "bucket list" and have done a few things on there.
      Today I am still often called "the creepy one" or "the monster" in the shop where I work.And The characters I play in movies or onstage are usually the "villains."  I have made it a point to never marry or have children. At this point I really don't see much need for either. Since I was never fully "accepted" by "normal" people and on more than one occasion, I was actually told I "wasn't  human." . I no-longer fully accept "them" (normal people). I have since taken to rejecting all "normal humans" from my life. Yep, it's a defense maneuver. But this is how I have been conditioned. And with 10 or less years left. I see no reason to change now.
jonathanz64 jonathanz64
41-45, M
4 Responses May 29, 2010

I don't pay much heed to doctors speculations any more. I have learnt a long time ago that they are also only humans and they definately don't have all the answers. To the general population, being turned away by a doctor saying "I seriously don't know how to help you", is unheard of. To me, it's not shocking any more.<br />
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I am really good at dispensing advice and not following it, ;P but live life as though you are going to reach 110 and forget about what tomorrow MIGHT bring. Just listen to your body. You know where your limits are...the doctors can only estimate.<br />
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Heck, if anything, 55 is way better than the 35 yrs stamp that people with marfan's used to get ;)

I was diagnosed with Marfan syndrom approximately 3 years ago as I was rushed to the hospital for a severe aorta dissection. I am currently in the ICU(again) as I write because I recently had another dissection, nontheless surgery seems to be out of the picture. Thank Yahshua(Jesus) for it. Gratefully, through out my school years I wasn't really made fun of ...though my worst enemy lurked within. As I grew older the more self-conscious I became, but G-d in His kindness and immense love has made me realize how the world has drifted towards a direction and filled itself with the cup of vanity...lacking on any level of decency. Just over 100 years ago people were appreciated for their poetic, heart warmth, intellectual writing skills...and now human bodys are being idolized(worshipped). My point is that everyone on this earth are nothing but a vapor of water. We come and go. Everything is futile...for what is to be done in the future has already been done on the past. Though we have one thing in common...life...that we were made in the image and likeness of G-d and our purpose is to worship the Creator instead of that which was/is created. We are promised within the infallible hebrew sc<x>ripturs new and perfected bodies. That do not decay nor have any form of disability. A thorough study on John 14:2 will reveal it to us. <br />
Jer 29:11 ‘For I know the plans I am planning for you,’ declares יהוה, ‘plans of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and an expectancy. <br />
Jer 29:12 ‘Then you shall call on Me, and shall come and pray to Me, and I shall listen to you. <br />
Jer 29:13 ‘And you shall seek Me, and shall find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

My son has Marfans and at school he gets called Alien, he allso gets called Stick insect,skeleton and pencil it brakes my heart because i dont know how to help him.<br />
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what can i say but people can be cruel to anyone with difference

My mom had rheumatic fever as a child and was told she wouldn't live much longer she out lasted her two brothers a sister her father and mother and she died at a ripe age of 90<br />
so you are climbing a latter don't look down you'll be surprised how high you'll get to see you at 100