Does My Marriage Have A Chance?

I met my husband when I was 42, and just found out by my doctor 4 months before that I was not able to have children. He was 41, and we had allot of fun together. We would get together, drink and listen to music, we had so much fun. Well one night, we made love and I got pregnant. I was scared and freaked out, but my husband was really happy and we were married within 9 months. Since then, I've fought with his mom, she thought I was some 'hussy' who got pregnant on purpose, (yea, at 42, never pregnant ever, and I trapped him). I didn't, I swear! My husband's father was an alcoholic and abusive. My father was an alcoholic and abusive, they are both gone now. But since my beautiful son's was born, (he's the most amazing wonderful angel & I love him like crazy and I feel so blessed that we have this little miracle.) My husband thinks I spoil him, I stopped drinking (not that I drank allot) but I stopped. I don't get drunk, I have a little boy that I have to get up in the morning to take of and I dont' think it's fair to him if I'm hung over and crabby. My husband is very "brick wall" and wants disicpline, strict rules, no sweets, no TV or our son will be a spoiled brat. I had TV, candy once in a while, and we didnt' have to do everything by the book. My husband goes on drinking binges and says it's because of me and that I don't do things the way he wants, he has a drinking problem but denies it. He gets drunk and I refuse to let him take my son for a walk when he's drunk and he doesn't understand it? I dont' my son growing up scared, and upset like I was, I hated my childhood, and I dont' want my son going through that. Does anyone think that I have an issue or any suggestions on what I should do?
sophiesez10 sophiesez10
41-45
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

Dear Sophi

I have given this advice several people....It is cut and paste from site to site....It worked for us...


My wife and I recently went thru a similar situation....life was humdrum, spouse not doing their fair share, no communication, lets just quit....Add to that rages, screaming matches, f-bombs in the face, talking to friends on phone...he/she is a ^%&^% y ada yada yada, so is mine....bla bla bla.....Am I starting to sound familiar????I actually printed up the divorce laws for our state, and left them on her placemat........And walked out.......Did I want a divorce, did she? NO.....You just know you can't stand living like you are.........We decided we had way too much invested in our marriage, and each other and wanted to change........She thought a marriage self help book might work......I was absolutely sure it would not, but decided I would make the effort, just to impress on her that I was willing to work on the problem.......She had been told a book called "The 5 Love Languages" might help, so I found it on ebay, and bought it that day.......The book isn't thick, and is written in plain simple terms....As I read it, tears started running down my face....I read things that were so true about myself, and about her, It was like someone had turned on the light in a dimly lit room.....I could see.....My wife read the book as soon as I finished. I told her I believed what I had read, and was willing to do everything in my power to make it work...It is pretty simple...We all have emotional needs...When someone meets them, we feel good, and want to make the person that filled these needs feel good too....The problem arises when actions performed by the other party that are NOT in your love language.....They think they are showing you love, but in your eyes, it is just ordinary interactions, nothing special....So they are telling you all the time how special and loved you are, but YOU JUST DON'T GET IT. Can you see how things might not work out?.The 5 languages in no specific order are:1 Physical touch...Hand holding. kisses, sex....
2 Words of affirmation....Giving them praise, they did a good job, they are beautiful....
3 Service....Washing their car, cutting the grass, breakfast in bed....
4 quality time....Cuddling while watching a great movie...taking time to really talk, taking a nice week end trip for just you 2...
5 Gifts.....It dosn't have to be a new car, just something from time to time to let them know you bought it because you were thinking of them...I found my love language was physical touch....I love it when she touches me, any time, in any way.....Hers was acts of service....Anything I did just to please her or make her day better........Has it helped????.....When I walk in from buying groceries, with roses and a sappy card, or stop to pick her a flower when I go to the mail box, or just this morning, bringing her breakfast in bed........She looks at me and says...."Are you geting soft in the head?" But I know she loves it....She looks up and catches me just looking at her, and smiling.......We went out to dinner the other night, and I noticed her hand on my arm no reason....just her loving touch....She says I suddenly kiss differently.....The passion was always there in my kisses, now she gives it back....Yes our kisses are different.We are finding the time, and desire to make love at least twice a week, often more.....And it is always better...we celebrated our 47th wedding anniversary the 2nd of Feb.......I am sure the book was not really the answer...I believe any similar book, teaching couples how to fulfill emotional needs in a marriage would have worked....THE SECRET IS BOTH OF YOU MUST WANT TO MAKE IT BETTER......Can a book bought on ebay for $10 save a marriage? NO....Can two people who admit they were once in love learn to make a marriage work.....WITHOUT A DOUBT.....I wish you and your man a wonderful success in reviving your marriage......The woodchuck

Please find a good counselor. You, your husband, and your child deserve help.