Should I Give In Or Should I Leave?

I am 29 Years old and have been married for nearly 4 years. My husband and I used to be best friends. He claimed to be in love with me when I broke up with my boyfriend 5 years ago and proposed. I married him not because I loved him but because he was my best friend and thought life would be a lot easier.

We were never very intimate, for some reason he was always distant. When I asked him he gave me some or other reason about stress for career or not wanting to have kids so soon or whatever and I bought it.

I gave up my career and a well paid job to be a stay at home just because his parents wouldn't accept a daughter in law that had a career. Last year I finally got sick of all the financial problems because he didn't earn enough and took up a job where my salary was as good as his. His parents had a problem and told him I was not a good wife because all I cared about was money, instead of staying home and looking after him. Three months after I started working my husband visited his parents by himself and when he came back he asked for divorce. When I asked him the reason he told me he had been very unhappy and hated everything about me. He accused me of being an alcoholic and a smoker, and I'll tell you that I do like to got out for a drink once a week and that's where it ends. Smoke, is very very occasional. But he is now telling my parents and his (skipping the part where we went together to bars and he also drank) that I have a problem. Also, that I don't look after the house as well and that's why he cant live with me.
I have now given up the once a week drink , quit my job, don't see people I know, I do not go out at all . I cook for him run after him like a pet when he gets home and he still tells me he is not sure whether this will work.

I get very tempted to commit suicide but stop because my parents will suffer. They figured I am not happy but just keep telling me to suck it up instead of moving out. My in laws say I am at fault, I should stay home look after their son, have his children, spend whatever little he earns, not complain, take the crap and shouldn't think about what I want to do at all.
I feel very lonely, I always have been from the time I got married. I see those lovey dovey married couples and I get so jealous!

angelbindra123 angelbindra123
2 Responses Jan 24, 2013

<p>It looks like you will never satisfy this man or his family. The way you describe this situation, you are giving up yourself in order to make these people happy. Clearly, you will never make them happy. They need someone to blame for their son's immaturity and failure to succeed in life. It appears that you are more capable and self-sufficient than your husband but they want you to act like you are a 1950's housewife whose only interest is to make your man happy. How about your own happiness? Do they think you deserve to grow and develop in a career that promotes your satisfaction. </P><br />
<p>You have a choice to make. You can continue living the life they think you should live or you can decide what is best for you. If your husband is willing to be your partner in life, then he needs to make some changes. Best of luck to you!</P>

It seems like not only he is controlling but so is his family along with yours. They feel they know what is best for you and don't mind putting you down for not following "their rules"
That is a rough place to be - it hurts to be beat down everyday.. The only way out is to get strong.. You have to muster up everything you have and shut out those people from your life for a little while - just for you to focus on yourself.. I would have never made it if i kept calling those people who were telling me you are this or you did this wrong.. i needed to clear my head and turn my life around.. i think you would be much happier,, But it is so hard - i hope you can find that road

I know. He is doing every bloody thing he can to **** me off just to make me leave. I just don't have anywhere to go as yet. I am in the process of planning things, perhaps going back t school might help. Lets see.