Should I Give In Or Should I Leave-part 2

I completely agree with you. But the last time things were bad and I took up a job, I was probably okay, but things (between us) got from bad to worse. He kept complaining that I didn't cook anymore, didn't clean the house so much. Anyway I guess time for me to first figure out what I want. I am contemplating moving out as soon as my financial situation gets a bit better.

Financial situation... Sounds like another reason to get a job.

Absolutely! I've started looking already. I just hope I find something decent soon. Thanks :)

He pleaded me to not work. And I really did not have a choice because we moved so many times because of his studies and work. Every time I got a good opportunity he made me choose between him or work. And now he tells me go wherever possible and work. Turns out he really wants to push me away. I am just too scared to get out there and live on my own, mostly because I haven't worked in a while and my financial situation is pretty bad. I am really not the kind of person to force myself on someone coz lets face it, you really can't live with someone who is not interested but since its a bloody marriage and considering the fact that I won't just have to get over him, but also a lot of other things I get confused. He is really not a bad person, he still looks after me, makes sure I eat everyday (partly coz he can see I am depressed) but that's all. He keeps telling me he can't do anymore than this. I guess I am just scared to face the world on my own and few years down the line I don't wanna beat myself up that I made the wrong decision. Do u see how lost I am?

How long have you been married? Any children? I understand you not wanting to give up on the situation, he is your husband, and I respect that. But I believe he has already given up on your marriage. Your depressed, and if you stay there it's only going to get worse. I think getting a job will not only satisfy you but, also him. It will do you wonders to be in a social environment. Make some friends. Laugh. Smile. It's time to be you again! Nothing is as complicated than marriage. And just another thing to lay your head on, What is you stay in this marriage? And a few years down the line you guys have grown to hate each other, and it will happen. Your just going to beat yourself up over not making that decision when you had the chance. I would rather see you still having the opportunity of becoming friends, than fiends. Especially, if children are involved. Ultimately, it is your decision. But I hope I shed some light on the situation, made your decision a little easier. Hang in there! I know it hurts, just be strong. Your a women, and we can overcome any obstacle thrown at us!!

You are absolutely right. We are worse than housemates at the moment, four years of marriage and all this started all of a sudden two months ago. I still wonder how does one all of a sudden change mind about something as difficult as marriage. It's a decision which should be taken after much thought and not be broken for trivial reasons. Anyway, not that what I think or believe matters or is going to help in my situation. You are so right, I should get things working for me while I can. It would hurt less in future, and if I keep expecting he will keep rejecting me like he is.
I truly appreciate your comments, I finally feel like there are some people who understand what I am going through.

no children thankfully.

Yes, thankfully no children! One of the biggest things I have learned in my relationships is you cannot forget about yourself. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. But, it does seem a little suspicious to me that it only started two months ago. I do agree that it should be well thought out. Marriage is a binding contract. And who knows once he sees you being yourself again , it may create that spark between you two again.

Thank you for sharing your story! I hope my words have encouraged you and maybe shedded some light on the situation. I do understand what you are going through, very similar situation. Only difference is I wasn't married but, I did have a child. Separating was the best thing we did for our family. And luckily we are still friends.

I know what you mean. I get very confused because my parents would be devastated. I figure I can't go through this just to make them happy. Besides, yes it only started two months ago, funnily enough he went away for two days and a completely different person came back. Anyway, not that I can do much about it, if he is not interested I better move on. Your comments helped heaps. How long has it been for you? Can I ask did u move out then? I really feel lost when it comes to making a plan to move out, and that is so needed.

We were together for 5 years, our daughter will be 4 in a couple of weeks. It's been about 9 months since we have been apart. He basically told me that I no longer interested him. I tried to make him interested for a good 3 months before I threw in the towel. It took me 3 weeks to get a place of my own. I lived with a friend until then. The most difficult part is the first step out the door. Once, you get enough courage to do that. Then everything else feels like a breeze.

My parents were devastated that I left the father of my child. The only thing I told my parents was that I was in the relationship, not them. So, if I am not happy, and the another person isn't happy then there should be no need for me to be with them. My parents are old school. Marry once. Stay married no matter what. I also mentioned to our mother how I felt when I was growing up in a household were the parents hated each other so much that the children saw it too.

It's never worth the frustration. Never. Make that first step out the door! If you managed to stay in a relationship with someone who isn't interested anymore for 4 months. Then, your will power is stronger than you think. I believe in you! And will support you the whole way! Instead of being spontaneous for the day. Be courageous! Good luck! And let me know your progress. If you feel yourself stopping yourself. Message me! We will get you through this!

Gosh our situations are so similar. My parents also keep telling me to hang in there and they believe that it will be all right, primarily because my husband begged my mother when I refused to get married to him the first time. So they still think he is the same guy who said he would do anything for me. I know he is not. Every single day he tells me you can stay here till you get a place of your own just don't expect that it will ever be alright so keep looking to get out. And he makes sure that he reminds me of it every damn day. He has also started to bad mouth me. Told his parents and mine that he cannot live with me and it's all my fault. Anyway, I feel so much better after reading what you wrote. I think I am gonna tell my parents exactly what you said coz it makes sense. I am just waiting to get a decent permanent job. Thanks to my husband, no decent company would hire me on a permanent basis coz of the gap years. Anyway as soon as I get one and I am out the door. I hope you are doing way better now.