Its' Not Fair....

I am 50, a divorced mother of 3, grandmother of 3...and I thought at this age my life would be very different than it is now.  Several years ago, the stress of raising 3 children on one income with no assistance took its' toll on me. I suffered a major stroke and was hospitalized. I recovered, except for a slight short term memory loss problem, which doesn't really bother me. Anyway, because of my illness, it affected everything in my life. I was unable to work and now am considered disabled. I take meds for severe high blood pressure, which was the start of all this to begin with. My family and I went through a version of hell for many years...my ex husband and father of my 3 children, was a perverted man. He had an addiction to drugs and ***********. He committed the ultimate sin by sexually abusing our daughter and one of her friends when they were both 12 years old. He was arrested, served time for it, and now is a free man. Supposedly, he is "cured" of his sickness and blames it all on the drugs he was using at the time. He never had to pay child support, since he was in prison at the time, and has never offered any of our children a damn thing, such as a loving father might do. He will, however, ask them to help him when he needs a hand doing something. If someone was to ask if I hate him, my answer would be no...but I once did with a fury. All he is now is a big mouth loser, always bragging about what he does and what he has. The only people he associates with are low life's and losers, people he can show off to. He loves attention.  So, my health sucks now. I need to do follow up appointments with my doctor, but without insurance, I cannot always do this, and I do not get full benefits due to being only 50. I fall between the cracks. It is so difficult to try to get the doctors' office to understand that I have no money to pay for anything...they make it out like I am simply ignoring the fact I need to have good medical care. It makes me angry, and again, the stress levels go up. I often feel like I am drowning in a deep ocean with no life jacket in sight. There are times when I don't even feel like getting out of bed and I think "OK...whats' next" when it comes to the future. How much stress and negative things does a person have to carry on their shoulder? It is so unfair, to the point of me feeling like I am cursed?