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They'll Haunt Me For The Rest Of My Life

It hasn't been a week yet but I still keep reliving that day
Seeing ( this in my head) and hearing my father's worst "rage" happen
Trying so hard to get him to let go of that gun (I heard him grab it)
Having my efforts become nothing more than more aggravation to him
Regretting that I got distracted when I saw my mom come in (I heard her I didn't actually see her)
Feeling guilty for becoming distracted for all that wouldn't have happened
Receving a punch on my face and getting a black eye from it
Letting go of him for the minor pain that I felt
Seeing in slow motion or at least that's how it felt (again hearing this but seeing how it must have been in my head)
Him turning around to face my mom with that gun in his hands
Not seeing but hearing that damn gun shoot a bullet right into my mom's heart
Seeing my mom fall to the floor with blood soaking through her shirt ( I am imagining that's what it looked like I just heard her fall to the floor and felt the blood on her shirt)
Me screaming at him for having done this
Having the miracle of one of my neighbors coming to help
Driving as fast as I can to the hospital with my mom laying in the back seats ( correction I didn't drive my neighbor did)
While praying to God to let my mother survive this
Arriving and yelling for help in the emergency room
Being pushed aside by doctors and nurses carting my mom off into an OR
Worrying for not hearing any news for 4 hours
Angry at not being able to see my father having been thrown into a jail cell
Or hearing the words "you're under arrest" directed at my father

I've had worse memories than this but this one just keeps replaying in my head over and over again
And I can't get it to stop
I guess they'll just haunt me for the rest of my life
InmemoryofLifelessStar InmemoryofLifelessStar 18-21, F 6 Responses Apr 28, 2011

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I'm very sorry that it happened and also that you experienced it.

Aw that's terrible. I hope everything goes well for you. Think positive and put a smile on your face.

Thank you all very much for your kind words

I am so sorry that you had to endure such a horrific event. No wonder you are haunted by this ordeal, how could you not be? You are a strong person. I hope you will listen to this song about courage. I don't know if you realize it or not but you are a courageous person to face what you have.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=1210888" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a>

How is your mum?

I am sorry. This is awful. Yes, I think some memories haunt us forever. But they can fade into the bacground eventually, if you let them. I have had some bad memories myself and I have found psychotherapy helpful.