4 years ago my brother committed suicide and its like I cant talk about it because I get this feeling in my chest like I cant explain the feeling but its a hurt and a panic feeling. I wanna talk about it to people but its like my heart want let me. He came up to me the night it happened but I was mad at him. I feel like its my fault, if I would have just paid him attention and talked to him he would still be here. He felt he was alone but it was so far from the truth. So many people loved him!! His friends and family loved him so much!! I just keep thinking after all this time the hurt will go away, but it doesn't. I don't know how to stop feeling this way. I don't understand why I cant talk about it...
Meadow28 Meadow28
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 30, 2015

Mine isn't quite the same but I can promise you one thing. Time will never change how much it hurts. I never got to meet my brother as he died before I was born, but I still feel responsible. Well maybe not responsible, but I feel like I shouldn't be here (I was told in not so many words that the only reason I live is because my brother died). I'm out of place all the time and it never goes away. Even if I can't change it, it has changed me. I've known the truth for about 15 years and it never goes away. I can't help it. The only way I get on is that I know I'm living for two. For him and for me. Who will carry him on if I don't. If I could only have just talked to him once, I might feel better, but that's not my hand I got dealt. Anyway, that's my piece. Good luck with yours.

Im so sorry!! Your right though, you need to live for 2 because he would want you to. Your keeping him alive living.

A part of you blames yourself but it's not your fault. God rest his soul. You will meet again. I believe that people who passed away can come visit Us and protect Us. God Bless You!

Thank you so much!!