Forever And Ever..

I will forever be haunted by the images of my dying mother.. She was helpless and relied on me to do everything for her. She couldn't even get up out of bed to go to the bathroom.

There are two images that I just can't erase from my mind no matter what I do though..

The first one was probably about a week before she died.  She was laying in bed and she wasn't wearing pants because it was uncomfortable for her since she had to wear an adult diaper.. And she moved her blanket to adjust it and I could see her bones protruding from her body.  I had to make quick excuses to leave her room so she wouldn't see me start bawling. I couldn't help it.  It was a horrible image and I never expected to see that.. Her hips were sticking so far out of her body it was a wonder she was still alive..

The second was the morning she died. After I found out, I had to go in her room and get her cell phone because I had to make a call to someone and she had the number in her phone.. I went into her room on a request from her friend and my mother was laying on her bed with her mouth open and her eyes gazing hauntedly towards the ceiling and her arm was reaching slightly up.. It was awful... And lucky me, her cell phone was laying beside her, so I actually had to get onto her bed to get it... The smell was awful. It was a mixture of sickness and death...

I was only 15 when she died and I had to take care of my mother and watch her go through this while she tried to hide as much as she could from me.. I lived in a house by myself, just me and her, so it was up to me to take care of her.. I hope no one ever has to go through something like that again.. I had to help my mother give her shots of morphine and listen to hallucinations and tell her that she wasn't crazy..

Who knew that breast cancer could be so fatal?...

Amay408 Amay408
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 7, 2010

I'm glad I could help with your situation. Don't worry about what this makes me go through.. I come here to talk about it and share my experience with others, so I don't mind.<br />
Just let your friend know that you'll be there for her no matter what and you didn't realize the circumstances or you wouldn't have left her at all to begin with. Even if it wasn't your fault, it will make her life easier and maybe help her to forgive you if you just take the blame. Help her with whatever she needs and be there for her if she needs a shoulder to cry on. That's all I can really suggest.<br />
When I went through this, I only had one friend that actually knew what was going on. People knew my mom was sick, but no one knew it was that bad. I was almost glad no one knew though because I didn't want people feeling sorry for me.. But when she got so bad, I stopped letting people come to my house because I just didn't want anyone to see her like that.<br />
But everyone is different. Your friend will most likely be glad to have you there, even if she is a little bitter. Just try to make her life as stress-free as possible. She'll remember who was there for her for the rest of her life.

Thank you.. There were others there that came for a little while but it was only while I was in school.. When I was out of school though, it was just me.

Inexcusable that you had to do this alone.... others should have been there for you and to help your mother. I am sorry for your loss.