Lone Wolf

In my experiences, people, at best, are either needy or undependable; and at worst, they are selfish and borderline malignant. 

At work, I am fortunate to work with a handful of people who are good at what they do, and expect high levels of productivity from everyone.  So we depend on each other to get something done -- because we are paid, yes, but because we all take pride in our work as well.  That is a rare thing. 

Friends, yes, I have them, but friendship extends only so far.  It is good to be social and to exchange ideas and emotions with one's friends, but it is a gamble to expect much more than that. 

And friends can surprise you.  I just learned one of my friends has a coke addiction and is cheating on his new wife whom he just married (and was cheating on her for a month prior to the wedding).  So you never really know anyone. 

People seek redemption in love and when it works well it is the most effective of drugs in this life; but when the fantasy ends, the withdrawal takes years to get over.  So that is a dangerous thing as well.

During my 7 year storm, which was the worst period of my life, where I lost all money, all friendship, all familal support and came close to utter physical, mental, financial and spiritual destitution, there was no one to help me.  No one will help you when you are down.  That is a fact I have already learned -- you have to help yourself. 

So why do I care?  If this was the truth, I would accept it and move on.  But there is a part of me that doesn't feel this is the whole truth.  There is a part of me that still sees in humanity some glimmer of something more noble.   It is too depressing to see in humans only the bad.  On the other hand, it is too demoralizing to see the good and then realize that no one acts on it. 

My solution, as of now, is to keep a little bit of a distance from everybody.  Better to be a wolf, even if it means to be a little lonely, then to be one of the sheep.
Seraph1m Seraph1m
26-30, M
4 Responses Aug 4, 2007

i learned about 'if no one care enough to help you, help yourself' and i'm always helping myself since back then. i learned about it in the age of 13-14 and now i'm 18.. keeping distance to other like you do. and then what happens? the more i expect them to care, the more the hatred comes and maybe it's what it will be called misanthropy. i want to even stop to care about them anymore.
just don't go overboard on it or you'll be broken, i guess.

i am well guarded, and do not have freinds

You are a closeted misanthropic. At the moment you are somewhat detached and anti-social, which is a start, but, as aforementioned by you, you are still one of the weak, pathetic mammals known as homo sapiens. When you her a child screaming it's head off in a supermarket, does it encourage you to look past the drudgery of everyday life and help you press on with whatever it is you are doing, or do find yourself thinking of the graceful sound of a sledge hammer crushing it's skull. Learn to embrace the true misanthropic within you, don't suppress it. Now that's a more practical solution. <br />
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P.S. - I do not commend killing infants<br />
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"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." - W.C. Fields

The annoying connotations of sheep.

everyone is equal in that we are all human virmin