Quality Of Life?

I'm MJ, I'm twenty years old and two months ago I was diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue disease. I've been sick for the past four years and no one knew what was going on, I seriously started considering that I might just be delusional. Two years ago I was diagnosed with pre-heart disease and costocondritis, which is basically arthritis in your sternum. Medication helped a little, but I turned out to be allergic to most anti-inflammatory medications - just my luck. This past fall though everything just exploded. Pain erupted up and down my arms, in my shoulders, my hips, my knees and my neck. That's when my doctors looked closer at my blood and finally made the diagnoses.
For the past couple months I haven't been able to hold my nephews for extended periods of time. If I play piano - which is my favorite thing to do - I pay for it later because my wrists and elbows swell up and I'm basically incapacitated the rest of the day. I have good days and I have bad days, but more and more I'm starting to get worried about the quality of life I'll have. I'm worried about getting pregnant and having my joints loosen, I'm worried that I won't be able to hold my kids, I'm worried that i'm already showing signs of heart and lung disease. I'm worried all the time, I'm scared. And of course I've been told that stress doesn't help, but I can't help stressing!
I need some help. It's hard going through this on my own. My family doesn't like talking about it because they don't know what to do, and I don't like showing them how much this affects me because they can't do anything either, and they shouldn't suffer along with me, that's not fair. I know there are people out there with much worse conditions than mine, but this is my life, it's affecting me, and I need some help being stronger because right now I don't feel like I'm brave enough to face this for the next thirty - forty years; however many I have left.
Tryingtobebrave Tryingtobebrave
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 10, 2012

You have given me strength in my weakest hour! I'm not perfect, but I would like to be
your friend!

Im just reading your stories I feel like its me writing I just got diagnosed with this in september And I just need help being brave too cause its hard a daily struggle.