Broken Silence After 3 Years

i've been a Goth for 5 years now, it all started when i was a freshmen and the moment it started was also the moment my father and i were not in good terms anymore.. i hated the fact that he always scolds me - about what i wear, my long nails, my make up, my music and arts, about everything in me... i decided to keep everything silent, we live in one house but we acted as if we dont see each other. then i got preagnant when i was a junior. my baby was 6months in my tummy when my mom and i decided that i should move in my boyfriend's house.. im not preapared to tell everybody in our house about my preagnancy. they're not the typical "oh my god! you're preagnant!" then afterwards "well, we cant do anything it's there now.. just try to stay out of trouble" kind of family, they're more like the "you're such a ****! you think you can raise that child alone.. what the hell entered your monid and you did such a stipud thing! damn you!!" kind of family, especially my grandmother. after all it was only me and my mom who knew about my preagnancy, my tummy was so small and i started wearing baggy clothes, people dont mind me much at home so it's not shocking that they dont know im preagnant..

and then the day came when i gave birth to my baby boy, that was sept.27, 2009. i will never forget my firt talk with my dad after 3 long years of sinelce,. it happened at night of sept.29, when i got discharged from the hospital; "hello tam?" "hello dad? tawag ka lang ulit maya be kay naga change pa ako ng diaper ni baby.." (hello tam? "hello dad? can you call  me a little later again, im still changing my baby's diaper") i will never forget those lines..

after many things that had happened, january 3, 2010 when we were able to rent a house of our own... it was a long time ago when we last did.. this time it's only me, mom and dad, my son, and my 2 siblings who were living in our house.... but since dad has another job in a different city (aside from his jod in our city) he is usually out for 3-5days every week... until...

Febuary 17, we were told he was shot, in the banana plantation where he works. he was the supervisor there, he sleeps there wore than he sleeps at home, he died there.. 9 gunshot woulds killed my father. i dont know how to feel, i was unable to cry, my emotions were not stable. from the time he died up to now im still asking "why so soon... ?" we were just starting a new and better life, we were starting to be ok but everything vanished so fast...
yes, im thankful that my dad and i had a chance to be okay before he died. but i cant help to wish for more time. i wish i had more chance to show how i love him.
MotherGoth MotherGoth
18-21, F
2 Responses Nov 23, 2010

hmm thats sad, i dont like my dad and i might be pregnant, im only 13/!!!!! im glad thing worked out 4 u tho

ah.. im so thankful for my baby.. if i didnt had him as early as 16 years old i know i wont be able to talk to my dad and he would die with out having our problem fixed... :)