I Discovered Mine In 7th Grade.

I've always felt something was different about me for a long time. I've been called weird by my family all the time and it always put me down. I saw a counselor in middle school for my attempts on trying to kill myself until finally the split or spirit inside me finally spoke to me. If it wasn't for her and the others I wouldn't have survived my middle school and high school years. Only my closes friends know about them and can tell when one has taken over. Just to let you know, I was born with a rare heart defect. The main arteries in my heart are transposed and I lack oxygen. I am strictly prohibited from doing strenuous activities that require lifting or running. My splits have always taken over in order to help me. There are times where I can run and not get tired in within five minutes. Other times I can actually move something that is heavy. I've always communicated with them using a notebook. I still have them of the conversations we had in the past. They hardly talk to me now though. The only time I hear from them is when they feel something is wrong or is worried about me when I am depressed.

DecemberJ DecemberJ
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 10, 2012

I'm really starting to get curious. My whole life something has been, fishy. Its hard to describe. Please, tell me, when you switch over to another personality, are you still aware of everything? By that i mean in control of your actions or coherrant. Do you switch back and have memories of the others? And how did you meet them in your journal? When did you start to realize something just didnt seem right? Please, I'm looking for answers and I'm way scared of what I might discover. I in a way just feel compelled.I want to do things like completely flip to an opposing stance in relation to the current thoughts or emotions I have about whatever. Yet I hold my self from acting on them. But I have these thoughts like words that I don't think just come out of no where. For example, I was going to delete this whole thing I just wrote because I feel compelled to. When I said I was scared I am. I really am but I got that sudden words thing in my head where I feel like I should call myself a pu**y for even saying it. Its like I challenge myself without knowing I'm doing it until it happens. I can maintain control of my actions in a way. I'm so impulsive like a child sometimes. Other times I could spew info I had no clue was hidden in my brain. I have the worst short term memory. I'm always feeling like I forgot something, often do... I have the worst short term memory problems ever and hate it. Its not like I black out. I remember blocks of time but the details are fuzzy and I cant pull them up. Yet other times I could remember strings of numbers or codes hours after I get off work and repeat them. As if I have a perfect photographic memory. But at work that day couldnt walk 10 feet without forgetting those numbers. Or walking back and forth between rooms trying to remember what task I was about to do. Do you relate to any of this?