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My Experiences With Did...

I don't really know what to say. I have wanted to connect with other people like me for a very long time. I was really nervous about opening up about living with this 'condition'. My alters saved my life while I was a child and now they can be a challenge. Other people don't understand and how can I expect them to as at times I am so confused? I have 17 alters and I have just met the 17th in the last month. My mind is so full and at times I can't even function. Some times I think I am going crazy. I was diagnosed with DID about 7 years ago and in a way I felt relieved because this answered a whole lot of my strange behaviour and large lapses in time. I have an awesome therapist and I am thankful for that. I have never met anyone else like me and it sure would be nice to talk with others because I won't feel so alone.
Leena26 Leena26 46-50, F 12 Responses Jan 3, 2012

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Personally message me I'd love to finally relate to someone like myself I feel the same way I to have dissociative I density Disorder.

xxkawasakixx,<br />
<br />
You have my sympathy. <br />
<br />
I would be looking for a therapist that can and will actually help you -- not one that just wants to ($$$$$) "manage" you. -- Since the possibilities for Multiples are endless -- so are your possibilities for happiness.<br />
<br />
<br />
Wouldn't you like to be able to assure your alters that help is on the way ?<br />
<br />
Here is a little plan you can try, and feel free to be creative with this ::::<br />
<br />
Start writing to yourSelves.<br />
<br />
Announce that you are committed to finding peace for YOURself and everyone in the system.<br />
<br />
Thank them for taking care of you all these years, and let them know that you feel it is time for you, to take care of "them".<br />
<br />
Remind everyone that they are safe - at the moment and have ben safe for a long time (if this is actually true)<br />
<br />
<br />
Let everyone know that they should all be looking for one person that everyone can trust, and it doesn't have to be a professional, it has to be someone with a heart, and someone grounded in truth , insightful, and committed to your well being. <br />
someone to help them, <br />
someone they can trust, <br />
someone they can each tell their story too.<br />
<br />
Alters are marvelously intuitive - once YOU are committed -- they will all line up behind you to help you make this happen, and they will be able to spot their "helper" a mile away. <br />
Don't overlook their remarkable abilities - just make sure of their motives for picking their "helper".<br />
<br />
Alters don't have to integrate, but, each of them wants and needs to do some healing.<br />
<br />
If you have been with this current therapist for more than 6 months and haven't experienced any radical breakthroughs. Then they know nothing about healing, so keep going for now while you look for another. <br />
<br />
I know this may sound like I don't know what I am talking about - but helping peeps with DID, it's not as difficult as it seems , but it most certainly does require a person with some very specific character qualities. <br />
But know this ::::: IF....YOU are really committed to getting better -- <br />
THEY will find that person for you. <br />
<br />
I know this - because I have already done this, it's not BS , it history.<br />
<br />
feel free to ask me any questions - I am happy to talk to your alters too -- if they will please identify themselves.<br />
<br />
Good luck -- I get the feeling you will be OK, STT : )

Hi I have 7 alters that I know about .Five female and two male.I was dianosed when I was 15.Im 44 and still having a hell of a time with this.I have been in therapy since I was dianosed and have come along way but still have a long way to go.I have meds that I take daily that I will probably be on for the rest of my life.Some people know about what I go thru and Im very lucky to have a loving and supportive wife.My alters are all teenagers and the girls like to come out which is difficult being a male.I get very overwhelmed at times and I feel like Im going nuts and the more I resist the crazier I feel at times.You are very right about feeling alone.I guess your never really alone with all the voices but I myself get very lonely at times and feel really trapped.

Hi Leena and other responders,<br />
I feel very much like you in wanting to connect to others. I am close to you Leena in age, have a supportive boyfriend (18 years), and have a good therapist. I have one core and 18 alters. He seemed pretty similarly matched at this point. It is been a long time since alters came about as new, but I can empathize with your situation. At times we can function well and at times it seems we get lost in minor things where we should be working together more towards things like school or even simple, housework projects. We as a system have gone back to school to complete a Masters of adult education.<br />
<br />
We are not for integration. I understand. There are Multiples of those who support multiples have different opinions on the necessity of this, but it is normally the multiples decision and this just has been ours. I do believe that communication is essential and it really helps the love of significant other that seems to understand and comprehend the difficulties you're going through and also some of the excitement and fun. We have got to understand the parts that were acting out and still have to deal with them periodically but for us mostly it is the core part of us that stays fairly depressed, so it is a matter of helping her out and helping her not to become overwhelmed. She has more time out now than she has in the past and where learning but it also causes us to stay at home much more often and not want to leave the house.<br />
<br />
Our boyfriend is different in that he speaks to only one of us by name generically we go by the name of Ann. He has however met all of us and talk to all of us sometimes, he says that were being silly, or whatever fits the situation, but he says so lovingly and other times he says that we need to bring it up a level, meaning we need to talk to him and apart that can be responsible for what is happening at that time. If at that point it is our responsibility to switch to somebody could handle life as it is coming at us. I can hardly pretend to say that this is the way it has to go for everyone which is how it has worked for us. We've been diagnosed with multiplicity for 22 years. He also does not go to the therapist with us, but it is, not him to ask all went afterward. Sometimes we can remember and sometimes we can't but it seems the doctor and her boyfriend have had a good relationship and we've seen this Dr. for 12 years and so they are both familiar with each other through me. Our boyfriends emphasis is that the therapy is for me not for him.<br />
<br />
I would like to know more about you and others in how people learn to cope with multiplicity. It is been a long time. Also that I have talked to others who are multiples. There seems to be some in trepidation in that I don't have a lot of in-depth problems somebody might have who was only 16 - 18 years old and just starting this journey. I would like to know someone at a friend level not as a therapist, or makeshift parent trying to answer their questions as if I knew all the answers but more as a level of friendship and the knowledge that I can understand, and would like to understand.<br />
<br />
We hope for you. Our best, and would like to carry on the conversation, <br />
Ann

STT,<br />
<br />
Thank you very much! Co-consiousness should be less chaotic because when they are traveling together they influence each other, They tend to like the same things when together. Integration is really good if that is what the host/owner of the body and alter wants. It can work either way. I know that my husband isn't as good an artist as F is. He isn't as good at computer than some of the alters. When integration occurs they lose some of their abilities. It does have it's downside.<br />
<br />
My husband has integrated a couple times and when he did he was the man I had met, dated, and fell in love with. He is amazingly wonderful when integrated. His system fell apart when he had a parachute accident. People with DID systems tend to do pretty well until later in life when illness or traumatic experience happens.<br />
<br />
My husband was in a lot of pain, so his alter who was 5 and took the pain when my husband was younger came out. He had been asleep for over twenty years. He needed help dealing with the pain and his mind went to the file that could get the job done. <br />
<br />
My husband's niece also has DID. She came to live with us and was having headaches really bad and her personality would changed. We figured it out. They started opening up to me and are very attached. We see it in his father as well. The ability to dissociate runs in families. <br />
<br />
Thanks for sharing your stories.<br />
<br />
Lisa = )

WOW LISA - <br />
<br />
What a very cool story!<br />
<br />
I don't know much about the whole co-consciousness thing - I have heard it can be very chaotic at times, but hey! <br />
<br />
Variety is the spice of life !! <br />
<br />
"NORMAL" is just a setting on your dryer.<br />
<br />
Kudos to you and your hubby !<br />
<br />
We and Leena and those that have done well , understand, more than most that "LOVE" really does overcomes all obstacles.<br />
<br />
STT

Leena,<br />
<br />
I am so glad to hear that your hubby is so very supportive and that they love him and call him daddy! <br />
<br />
That is just wonderful !<br />
<br />
And "NO" I am not a doctor or therapist, I am a dump truck driver, but I see DID as a new frontier, rather like the days of the proliferation of the personal computer - along those lines - I would be an "early generation DID Geek " - just someone that happened to stumble upon something and discovered I was amazingly good at it.<br />
<br />
Well ... if you or hubby have questions -- I have a lot of answers. <br />
<br />
STT : )

Leena,<br />
<br />
You are very blessed to have a husband like you do. My husband has DID and his littles call me Mommy. I am a best friend to (MB) older female, sister to one, friend to many, and I have four husbands. I too go to all my husbands appointments and therapy sessions. I figured out he had DID and made his appt. We were very lucky to find a great therapist from the start. I researched intensly to find one.<br />
<br />
The healing process is much faster when you have someone who understands you and is accepting, loving, and caring to all in the system. It hasn't always been easy. I stood up to the ones that held rage and I let them know I cared about them. My husband did integrate a few alters and fragments, but as of now noone else wants to integrate. The love the life they have now and have grown so much.<br />
<br />
Co-consciousness is the goal that he acheived. Cooperation within the system makes life so much easier and better for all that's involved. I love all his alters dearly and if one day they wanted to integrate I would accept that. I would miss them dearly, but I support them 100%. It may be a strange life to others, but it's NORMAL to us.<br />
<br />
My husband had three different host in the 11 years we have been together. It was a little over a year ago that the original personality (birth personality) that goes away at a young age, emerged and grew up to his biological age. My husband no longer has a host. He owns the body and can make integration happen if he wants to. He knows how much they alllove life and he respects that. <br />
<br />
I actually watched him grow up from an infant to my husband. It was amazing. It too about two years for the process to complete. He is very strong and much more stable and healthy. <br />
<br />
The alters would confide in me and tell me their stories and I would take that with us to therapy. It sped the healing process up tremendously.<br />
<br />
I wish you the very best on your journey to healing. You can do it!!! Tell your husband I commend him on supporting you and being there. <br />
<br />
Take care,<br />
<br />
Lisa = )

About 3 years ago I met a girl that was a Multiple.<br />
<br />
She everntually had developed 56 Alters and Others.<br />
<br />
I spent 2 1/2 years finding them all, hearing all of their horror stories, going through a healing/closure process with each one, until everyone had found their happy place.<br />
<br />
During this process I decided to adopted them all -- I became their "mommy" - I had 56 girls wooohooo!! It was great!<br />
<br />
I resolved all kinds of internal conflicts - arranged their living quarters "inside" - basically managed a lot of their internal and external activities - getting them all to work together toward one common goal.<br />
<br />
It was an adventure - for sure -- hehe<br />
<br />
I think - even as a singleton, layman, friend - I probably have more exposure, insight, and hands-on successful experience than just about anyone - even most professionals.<br />
<br />
I will honestly and factually say this: Everyone is born with some kind of gifts they can work with and develop - I became a Wizard ("Geek" ) at dealing with people with DID,<br />
Alters love me because I "get it" and the Protectors easily see that I can be trusted and have their "Host's" best interests at heart, so they become my friends very early-on and keep everone else in line so I can help the host.<br />
<br />
I am not bragging - that is just an observation.<br />
<br />
What I have since discovered is: Shrinks hate me or don't believe me - because I did all of this without belonging to their special club of "psycho-scholars" or they are jealous because they didn't/couldn't/wouldn't do it. <br />
Plus if it is "fixable" -- then it becomes like the many of the already-known cancer cures -- shoved to the back of the shelf and suppressed because it cuts into profits on the one hand - and on the other hand - the medical mysteries of DID abound - and call into question what it really means to be a human being anyway -- something which THEY are not yet able to answer - so they would rather not give anyone cause to ask it. -- LOL -- professional people are sooooo insecure. ; -)<br />
<br />
The other thing I learned is that unless the host really wants to be "one-whole-person" the Alters will sabotage any efforts - push away anyone that gets too close for comfort or seems to know too much - because they wish to maintain the status-quo because most of them do not believe they could really be loved unconditionally, that the host could every really be "safe" and that it is even really possible for them to "go home." <br />
<br />
DID is relatively simple to deal with - but nothing over-rides the hosts free-will. <br />
I will be happy to answer questions if you have any.<br />
STT

I think that you are an amazing! My husband was with me last night when I read your comment and he's the one who told me to write back to you. He said that maybe you were a therapist or doctor of some sort...he was very curious as was I.
It's funny because most of my alters call him daddy. He knows all of my alters and they all love him---but in different ways of course. He has been my rock throughout the last nine years. He is very patient and kind and he took me under his wing and he protects and helps me through this journey in life. He sounds a lot like you - he comes to all of my doctor's appts. with me - in fact many times he is my memory for me. As you probably know, when I get stressed out, tired or sick I switch far more than usual and he is the one person that 'gets' me - he knows how to talk with my alters and solve things between them better than any doctor or therapist I have met and believe me, I have met a lot of doctors...I have been in every mental facility in our fine city. That all came to a stop when I met him. Doctors don't have the time or knowledge to begin to comprehend DID, among many other mental illnesses.
I have many questions for you - thanks so much for reading about me - I just discovered a new alter and I have a feeling that there are more.
I feel so blessed that you have been given a gift that can help others. Leena

HI.
U seem to have a lot of insight so I will ask you something. I am dating someone and every time I date someone my alters are triggered. the the ones that experience positive emotions and do not have a strong personality welcome the person but the ones with the strong personality or the logical ones fight and pick at their every flaw and have specific idea who they want me to date. whot hey think is best for "US". but the thing is they have different ideas. so far there are three of them. however this guy I am dating is very gentle, patient and loving person very funny and goofy person. he seems to be reall interested in me and my defensive alter is fightin me on this. she is suspicious and does not understand why a man whoudl ever date a "split" person and etc. my other alter likes females more because she claims" I always get hurt when I date males, t hey have done nothing but cause me pain" she thinks females are a better option. but anyway I really like this guy because he is very supportive and helpful he is even very pleasing in bed. another of my alters is always worried he will leave her or get sick of us. I feel like I am not allowed to date because they freak out or react differently. what do you think I should do? just dump him so I can have a peace of mind?

Leena - Ruby -<br />
<br />
Integration and healing is pretty simple -- IF you are committed to it and you can work with someone whom all the alters trust.<br />
<br />
Be aware, that once everyone is integrated you will have to deal with life as a singleton, so your problems to not end, some of them just begin, but now you are in a position to deal with them.<br />
<br />
Should you choose to stay a multiple, you can help any alters that have antisocial tendencies to integrate thereby stopping things like self-injury or other self-destructive behaviors, although trying to get them to change is really difficult, because the only reason they are there is to do exactly what they are doing, and they ,pretty much, already know this. It was my experience that once their problem was resolved, they became very tired of "being-out" and wanted to "go home" (integrate). <br />
<br />
To be sure - all of your alters - are at some level - respecting your basic intentions even if their behavior seems like something you would rather they not do.<br />
<br />
STT

Thank-you so much for your insight. You seem to know a lot about DID. Is this through personal experience? Leena

Wow! That's really cool!!! With 18 alters of various ages I behave differently quite often. A lot of times I don't remember slots of time and I am very fortunate to have a loving husband who loves and knows all of my alters. He acts as my memory at times. I understand your immaturity, as I will never 'grow up', but that's okay with me as that is just how God made me and I try to cope as best as I can. I have come along way and consider myself to be blessed as my alters got me through a very painful past. I never would have made it without them. Leena

Leena I have four others but only lived part of the time losing time and being so mixed up. Not knowing why I did things or sometimes even what I did. I was very hurt and angry when I was little. I put my emotions into others and would be one or the other when the need arose. I split into two sets of twins. Four year olds a boy and a girl and two teenage girls. Each one had a set of behaviors that is why I have Borderline Personality Disorder rather than Multiple Personality Disorder. Neither is easy several therapists tried to integrate me. It wasn't until I was 55 and in 'Dialectical Behavior Therapy' that I learned who I was when I was one or the other of them. Being divided into two 18 year olds helped me to cope with life but about 45 they no longer worked well. I guess you can't act like an 18 year old forever. I'm still a bit immature but I can cope better and feel I have some independence in living my life.