Worried

Lately, ive been feeling like there i still someone missing in me. since ive come around, ive managed to find out anything and everything about my life. or, truthfully, prim's life. i quickly established a position of control and i am sure that at this date and time i know everything about this life. that i know everything about each personalityi have a wonderful memory about even the things she doesn't remember. but i always feel like im missing something, like theres someone else i don't quite know about.
i know leslie, the small one, lives in a very messed up world. i thinks shes resulted to twisting things up the way she wishes they were, rather than what really happened. i'm sure shes more like a projection of prim's childhood personality. one that never quite grew up.
and prim and i have our differences, but i do accept that this is in face her body. but ive always been around as well, she just didnt start noticing me until she needed me.
but there must be someone else. because i constantly feel like im fighting myself over little things. like when i watch tv, for example. there always seems to be a quick thought flashing by, "no! i dont like this channel. go back to that other one" or "yes! ive been wanting to see this show!" but its something i would normally never be interested in. its been happening more often, but i think its been on for a while. i dnt know if its just me but its getting anoying

-bel
DivineStitches DivineStitches
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 8, 2013

I have had DID for a few years now (or have I had it all along, now there is a question).
ANYWAY, I have 7 alters. At first there was a little one, then a protector, then the rest followed one at a time.
For about 6 months now, I have "sensed" what I call the others. I think they are as follows:
another alter that will become known, and two that will remain as shadows (perhaps forever).
Oh, btw mpde, I have asked them, but they are not "talking" or coming out so they can't write. Time will tell how this ends up.
bel - you are not alone in this feeling.

one of my alters are like that as well, the little one. shes really more like a shadow i guess. but she doesnt need to come out. idk how to explain but it seems shes always there

I know what you mean by that. I have a 2 year old that never comes out. He "talks" through the 5 year old. So yeah.....

Each alter has their own way of communicating and often younger ones will have an older one speak for them. If they not talking or going to write as u say u just have to wait and see how things turn out. Good that u asked though.

Have you ever asked who it is? I know people with mpd hear the alters on the inside and so they may tell you who they are and another option is writing in a journal and everyone can use it other's have found this very helpful to fill in the blanks in their life.

that can happen a lot, try not to worry too much, it seems lots of people in our group find people that have always "been there" and just didn't say anything before for their own reasons, here if you ever want to talk about anything and nothing at all.

<3

okay ill keep that in mind thank you :)

no problem :P