My Internal Family
I have 3 sub personalities and have been co-concious probably for the whole trip. Alot of my life has been lived feeling I was watching a movie. I learned to feel and love. Its tough to live life with a committee inside one's head. But many many times I have been grateful for the abillity to being able to step aside and let my old warrior woman who has learned so much about tact and teaches a whole lot about strength take things over and deal with it while I sit insde the bubble. The younger selves have learned not to go out on their own. Eventhough my warrior who goes my the name of Maiden would rather use a broadsword than her tongue she can use that too in a fight and defend us all thank you very much. No its not easy living with a committee. But if that committee can learn to deal with each shard, the whole can function very well in the eyes of the world. Then again how to I explain this and give hope my husband. After years of waking up in strange places, doing things he did not remember getting into, he thought it was just drugs. After a year of having him repeatedly meeting me at the train station in tears not knowing where he was for the last 12 to 48 hours. The time lapses have gotten more and more often, longer. How many times have we been to a hospital and told them about everything that was going on. How man times have they pointed to his history of drug abuse and just chaulked it up to a bad dope, an infection or a possible brain tumor. The EEG changes just a symptom of the tumor. He was admitted yesterday for his first psych eval and hospitalization. Over $2000 is missing from the family finances and no one will admit where it went. We were in court Tuesday about a violation of parole due to an old CDS charge. Gee he missed reporting on a few occasions not all the time. The judge and his probation officer were told that he was going in on Thursday. They think its for another 28 day rehab. not for treatment that might last 6 months or a year at least. How do I get them to understand or believe it when they finally get the report. I have tried to talk to them. Of course they think I am his drugging buddy which I am not.; never, was never will be. My Maiden does not like us taking pain killers let alone recreational drugs. So with all that is going wrong in my life. All the stress and plain black emotioinal pain I am going through, I have to be honest. I like the committee in my head. My so called friends just want me to take care of them and their needs. My family acts worse. The only ones who really know and understand are the members of my internal family. So excuse me whille I go back in the bubble, curl up in Maidens arms and put my cheek on her armored chest and have my cry.