I'm So Tired. Please Help Me.
Since I was a child I have spoken with many different people inside my head. Many have stepped back into the shadows over the years but there are two who remain still and are very strong individuals. One is simply the nameless one. It seems to be androgynous but very peaceful, spiritual, kind, gentle and compassionate. It is wonderful when the nameless one appears to speak with me, it is such a help especially in the most stressful times. With the current trauma of the loss of my father (who violently took his own life) the nameless one has been a comforting companion...that is...when Lilith is not around. She is a creature full of hate, anger, violence and sexual promiscuity and rage. Lilith does not like anyone but herself my little boy and anyone with power. She scares the daylights out of me and little Nikki (another one of my quieter voices) who does not understand why Lilith is so mean. I have been diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder but for years I have wondered if I have MPD. As usual I just chalked it up to my imagination and an "all in my head" attitude. I just don't know who to talk to about this anymore and I'm afraid that if I tell my psychiatrist, he'll just dismiss it. Meanwhile having to deal with these extreme fluctuations in my personality is wearing me out. I'm never sure who I'll be next. As you can imagine, Lilith takes a real toll on me because I have to fight extremely hard to keep her down. She is very very strong and after I finally do get her under control, my entire body feels like I've been hit by a truck. Every muscle in my body aches, my head pounds and I just want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep. I have to fight Lilith as hard as I can because I have a beautiful 5 year old son and a wonderful husband of 20years both of whom I love with all my heart. My only consolation is that the nameless one will often step in and protect my son and husband while inside myself I duke it out with Lilith. I thank the heavens that Lilith does seem to adore my son. She finds him amusing and sometimes goes off in a huff if the nameless one tells her that it is Nikki's turn to play with him. I know this all sounds ridiculous but I had to tell someone because I don't think there is a soul out there who would believe me. Mental abuse from my parents and well as physical and mental abuse from classmates in school is when these other voices came to talk with me. But there are times that I hear other voices now that I can't understand. It's as if there were ghosts flying through my head just whispering things but I can't make out what they are saying. And lately, I catch movement or images out of the corner of my eye that are gone in a flash. If anyone here can relate to any of this I would really appreciate hearing from you and what you are doing to cope. My name is Laura and I am just looking for some guidance or suggestions on where to start with trying to fix all this. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.