The People In My Head...

Just wondering why I have to be over 18 to join this group!? Im 15... :S

Nyway I have people in my head. Personalities. They have only recently developed with names. And charaters. Ive always had voices in my head, as far back as i can remeber (admitiedly not far) I would argue with them and talk to them. Those people that distract you from realty, in the middle of a coversation with someone else decided to join in, and yes you do miss the rest of the convo... 

But its really scary. They have never taken over as such, well they have but i remeber it. Its like watching myself above, watching the other take over. The only one that has really ever taken over dosent have a name.. i almost feel i should name her since shes one of the more dominant. Shes protective. Like the big sister I never had. She hates everyone else. She hates my dad for what he has done to me. She dosent trust. She is also dangerous. Shes calculating and shes cold. But whenever a situation gets really bad she'll take over. I watch her, she has only one aim and she will get it.

Then theres Alice. Alice is 12.. and she likes alice in wonderland. (wow isant that inventive XP) hehe anyway shes quirt and dosent like being touched. She feels that im better off on my own. She likes being lost in books. She dosent want to exist. Shes watched her life fall around her knees. Shes seen things. She dosent like them. It hurts her so she folds in on herself. She lives in a wonderland. Surrounded by box towers. Shes like a friend to me. But is stroppy and demanding. Also very paranoied 

3rd theres Lilly. Now Lilly is Lovely and trusting, or was and cute. Shes 6. But shes terrified of dad. She goes the other way. She has only come out once. When dads angry she hates being touched. she hates big scary things. Shes terrifed of dad and watches him trying to read if hes 'safe' or not. Shes also seen things, felt things. But she dosent understand it like the older ones. She dosent hate dad. She blames herself for it. She belives dad when he said 'this hurts me more than you, I am doing this for your own good.' She wants him to love her. Thats all she asks. It breaks my heart when he rejects her. Shes also clingy. When she cries though she gives me a headache like you would never belive. Its so painful. I nearly fainted last night. Urg took a while to carm her down. She did carm down in the end though. She has a teddy. I dont think shes named him though. She also sucks her thumb.

Lol welcome to some of the family. They all live in my head and damn does it get crowded. There are others. Some hate me. Loath me. Somtimes i feel they are all little parts of me, snap shoted and frozen in time. Me at different stages. Me what I missed. But others they seem so differnt. and they feel real. They are there. I cant just ignore them. Haha somepeople who read this will think im  insaine, i mean I totally agree with you. And others will understand. But watever its nice to put it down on paper. Even if i dont feel like im the one writing it xP

Lil xxx

Lilibuth12 Lilibuth12
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 1, 2010

Thank you for telling us about your life, it is a brave thing to do.<br />
So glad you found this site and if ever you need to talk here go ahead we all here to help and support you. Hope your other personalities can find peace in also seeing this site.<br />
You sound so much older than you are but then when you have this condition it also makes you grow up in order to cope with life.<br />
Remember we are here for you. Have a lovely day.

The fact that they seldom take over your body, the fact that you remember when they do, these things do not mean you are not multiple. Not all multiples have the headaches and lost time, either. There are a lot of stereotypes. <br />
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This article talks about the myths vs. reality, including some of the things you brought up:<br />
<br /> "On Being the Proper Multiple" This was written by a woman who has DID and is not a member of our group.<br />
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The reason for the over-18 requirement has to do with the fact that psychiatry believes multiple personality can be caused by child sexual abuse and many people who have actually been through this write about it graphically in order to get the word out that this kind of abuse is real. There are a lot of other causes for multiplicity and they are not all trauma-related. Good luck.<br />
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Glad you found us here and was able to post something. Yes what you are going through so many of us have gone thru except we did not have the internet or people we could talk to about this. I wish I could say what your going thru is completly normal, not normal for those around you but for those of us with DID (dissocative identy disorder) New name for MPDs. But you are going through normal stuff for those who are like us. You need to seek a good talking psycologist or counsler who can take you through the steps to make your system work the best for you.<br />
If you are like most everyone else who has this, you probaly loose track of time, have headaches that no asprin can tame, hear different types of voices inside your head and can tell the differance between them and outside voices (that is important). Be encouraged though, even though this is not the easist thing to deal with it can be worked to be more managable for you and them. If you need someone to talk with try several of us who post on here we understand and can maybe give you some encouragment and some guideance. I just find it assuring that I was not the only one going through all this and others who understood what I felt and basicly how my mind worked.<br />
Your friend if you need one Allofus.