Tired Of Living This Way

They say you tend to sugarcoat past experiences, but I have to say my life before MS was great. I felt good because I was in control of my life. My career as a full-time cashier supervisor was fulfilling not only my financial needs but made me feel like I was apart of something. My children were grown up and I had my freedom back again and on top of that I found the love of my life, we are still together and I believe if it wasn't for my husband I probably wouldn't be here now. I was 41 years old when I was diagnosed and I guess I can be thankful because eventhough my fatigue was pretty bad, I was able to keep working for 7 more years, although I did step down to part-time. I decided to retire after that because my depression was starting to get really bad because I think I was trying to do to much and we were financially okay because my husband was making good money. That was 11 years ago, the first six months were pretty good because I had been working for 23 years so it was kind of nice not to have to go to work everyday. But not having a social connection anymore sent me into a tailspin, didn't know what to do with myself. To make a long story short, I've been in more looney bins than I can count, actually having MS enabled me to see phychaiatrists, alot of good they did me. I really don't know who I am anymore because my brain is so screwed up, my behavior at times is awful because I can't seem to control myself, in fact I have no self-control. My husband and I can't enjoy a lifestyle we used to have because I'm always so tired. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like I am no longer contributing and he is so good to me, just wish I could figure out who I am.
Kaidin Kaidin
56-60, F
May 24, 2012