I Have Multiple Sclerosis

Ten years ago I started having symtoms of MS. My leg went numb and I went to the doctor and he said I was just probably tired because I was studying at University and recommended taking a rest. Well, I rested for the next ten years until my Mom noticed I was walking funny and took me to another doctor who gave me an MRI and it showed I had MS and probably had it for sometime. My poor family they were told by different doctors that I was depressed, lazy and probably crazy. No need to say I lost all my self-esteem, my dreams of teaching vanished and I truly became depressed. Thanks to my Mom I would probably just had MS until I died. Well, I am feeling quite abit better now although the MS is still with me.
Then just a while ago my Mom got sick and she died. She was like my best friend. She was very sick and I felt I could not help her. I miss her,her giving and helpful ways, and I feel guilty( if only I could have done more for her maybe she would be here today.)

I am just lately trying to add more things in my life and get over the guilt. It is difficult but I believe one step at a time might do it.
lonelydeb lonelydeb
51-55, F
2 Responses Jun 9, 2012

Make urself realize it is ur 1 priority to."Feel better" & ur happiness is ur 1 responsibility. Pay attention 2 how much time u spend on unhappy/ uncertain thoughts. B good 2 urself & know no1 prays more & harder 4 ur wellbeing than u, u can't ask God 2 strengthen u 2 beleive all is well 4 u if ur subconscious mind is full of uncertainty & sadness . God loves u, , find a way 2 beleive that loving urself more & better is the only way 2 b truly happy. I love u, take care of urself please

Life is a struggle, but hopefully there are enough joys along the way. I think you and your mother were so close, she should be there with you, if only in your heart and memories. I know you probably need more comfort than that. *hug*<br />
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I'm having my struggles too, but nothing like MS or the loss of a loved one. I'm sure if you knew mine, I doubt you'd trade them.<br />
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I use to be depressed in quite dismal ways. The only way I found out of that, was to see the connection, that down goes forever. I started reaching out and seeing where I could make a difference and forget myself. Over a short course, the joy and satisfaction from helping others in need helped fill the void. The other expectations I could not meet, as they were beyond any human control, I learned to loosen my grip on, but still fight for them. Someday I'll have more of it in my grasp.<br />
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I wish you the best going forward.