21 And Diagnosed With Ms
I was diagnosed with ms about a year ago at the perfect age of 21. Before my symptoms began I was dealing with a high stress situation with my then fiance, deciding whether to move with him because he was being stationed across the us, or to listen to my mom and stay because he was bad news. in the process of making my decision I started to lose vision in my left eye and finally went to the ER and got a "probable ms" diagnosis. After I was discharged I went back to work at the tanning salon that I had worked at for almost two years and found out that I was no longer employed. He was such a jerk that after he told me I started to get upset and he said "how do you think I feel? I had to cover all your shifts while you were gone". So whatever right he fired me I can get unemployment til I get another job. Wrong. He told the unemployment board that I was caught stealing and other misconduct just so he wouldn't have to pay me. I never thought anyone could be so cruel. so I washed my hands of him and am trusting in karma to give him what he deserves. Anyways so my fiance left town before I got out of the hospital and was never to be heard from again, except a month later when the girl he was cheating on me with informed me he had gotten married to some random girl. I remember my back felt like someone had set it on fire, I was so mad I couldn't believe it, he was gone a month and already married? And so my second relapse happened with that burst of stress and I had my definite ms diagnosis. The only good thing about my ex is that I met my now boyfriend thru him because they were best friends. Me and my now boyfriend have been together a year and I'm still unemployed for various reasons, but he has a 4 year old boy that I've come to love as my own and stay at home with him. He knows about my diagnosis and has been there since I started having all these issues. Hes such a good caring loving guy and he and his son deserve a life of happiness that I dont think I can give to them. Lately I've been feeling as if he doesn't love me at all anymore and just feels obligated to be with me now because he knows I have no money no job no friends and this horrible disease that his aunt died with a couple years back. He told me how her husband left her for another woman while she was in the hospital and I just can imagine that being a real life scenario. Not to mention his mom doesn't like me bc it was her sister who died and she doesn't want me to make her sons life harder, which I totally get but my thought was like ok then what....should I just kill myself then? I just feel completely useless after this disease knowing all my dreams have been cut short. I can't get married because I dont want to burden anyone with my difficulties. I definitely can't have kids because if I do and they inherit ms I will feel absolutely awful that I'm the reason for their misery. Im looking for a job but I dont have any experience other than tanning. I just never thought my life would turn out this bad and it leaves me wondering what I did to deserve this.