Soooo.....what Now?

Okay, not really sure where to start with this. I have been 'lurking' I guess around lot's of sights trying to better understand this whole MS thing that's stormed it's way into my life. I'm a 36 year old mother of 3 with a ridiculously demanding job and almost no time to relax. Which is how I liked it, until recently. I was finally diagnosed 3 days ago after 2 years of tests, tests and more tests. I would have thought 14 lesions on the first MRI, 2 new ones 3 months later, 2 on the spine and a positive LP would have been enough but apparently it still takes forever. It started with the first neuro who's opening line to me was "you don't have MS, you have anxiety, see your family doctor for pills". Great, so I was crazy but at least I didn't have MS. Then I lost sensation on the right side of my face and my right arm. Next time was both of those plus my leg. This was along with a level of tired I didn't know existed and what is apparently called an "MS hug" (not a great hug). Thanks to a really good GP I was sent to a new neuro who actually listened. He did more tests and finally diagnosed. I guess I almost felt relieved that I wasn't crazy but when he put all of the books and pamphlets in my hand and asked me to start self injecting meds EVERY day, well...it sucks.
I think the worst part of all this is that I'm a pretty huge control freak with just a dash of OCD I think and everything in my life consists of a plan. You can't plan this, predict it or cure it. I think that's the hardest part for me. I have had 7 attacks in the course of a year and a half and frankly feel like crap most days. I read of people not having attacks for years and worry that this means I'm going to get worse quickly. My neuro says there is no way to predict but I have to start the meds right away.
I guess this is all still new to me right now and maybe I wont be so damn angry in a while, but right now I'm just pretty pissed off about this whole thing. My husband is really struggling with it too. My kids are 19, 16 and 10. The 2 oldest know but don't really understand it that much and my 10 year old is being informed on a 'need to know' basis only.
I said to my husband yesterday, "holy crap, I can't believe I have something they run marathons for...this sucks". Isn't that a ridiculous thought?
I've thought about support groups but I'm definitely not ready quite yet. Really MS is all I think about right now....I'm hoping that goes away eventually too.
Anyway, thanks for the space to have a good rant!
papillion36 papillion36
36-40, F
Jan 15, 2013