From What I Can Tell....I've been friendzoned again.
**** sucks. I guess I should be glad to have somebody who seems cool with hanging out with me. I guess I should be happy that I had enough delusional hope left to actually think that she might actually like me when she contacted me about going hiking/backpacking/possibly camping. Instead, we talked last night and we're going to do something tomorrow with someone else from our class. I get the feeling she is backing off on the camping bit... and, I dunno, some things she said just makes me think she is just being nice and friendly and that I was a fool for hoping more was there.
I'm nearly 30 and have never been in a long-term relationship. That is the fact.
With every year that passes, the possibility of meeting somebody seems to grow more and more remote. I saw Bill Maher interviewing Matthew Perry a few weeks ago on whatever his show is called, and he said something like "when you're our age, if you aren't married, you're pretty much a bachelor for life." I am hardly that age, but the outlook is pretty bleak. I feel like my lack of experience with women, both emotionally and physically, is holding me back. I realize I have a lot of work to do as a person to be okay with myself, and until I do that, I won't be good at being with another person. It just seems like it's growing too late and I don't know if the changes that I need to make are even possible anymore. At a certain point, I wonder if people are truly capable of change after they reach a certain age. I certainly hope so, given the crushing weight of this loneliness....