Are Some People Just Not Relationship Material?

I am a 33-year-old woman with a lot going for her - attractive (I've done a bit of modeling), intelligent (went to college on a full scholarship and also have a Masters degree), come from a solid family (I have 5 siblings and my parents are still married), cultured, deeply spiritual, independent (both emotionally and financially) and have worked through my "childhood issues" and "baggage" through a few years of therapy and other healthy means.  I even can now say that I truly love and appreciate myself.

Yet I have never dated someone for longer than 6 months.  I used to be bothered by this fact, but I finally have arrived at a place where I am totally fine with it.  In fact, I think it makes me unique, and now I even wonder if I just may be the type of person who is happier on her own than she is when dating someone.  Sometimes I do long for a life companion, but then when I get to thinking about how my day-to-day life would have to involve considering another person all the time, I think I might ultimately feel smothered if in a relationship.  Also, the "non-dating" periods of my life have always been the most peaceful and drama-free (though not always happy).  

Is it possible that there are some types of people in this world who just aren't the "relationship type"?  Or, as human beings, is it really one of our deepest needs to sooner or later be intimately and romantically involved with another person?  Can anyone else relate to my experience in this area?

moonmaiden76 moonmaiden76
31-35, F
6 Responses Jun 21, 2009

What you said resonates with me. I have maintained longtime platonic friendships with a small number of people and feel very fulfilled. I do not particularly feel the need to be in a relationship. I am just wired that way, and am probably not "relationship material." I cannot find an equal--someone who is a match intellectually (i.e. not someone who wants to engage in a verbal power struggle, but someone who engages in intelligent discourse), emotionally, socially, and financially. I'd rather be single than choose Mr. RightNow.

i feel exactly the same - and theres nothing wrong about is because u are this good, so u need an amazing (REALLY AMAZING) man to hold on you. MOST MEN are JUST ORDINARY. and its still okay this man never appears in ur life - because u have what many people, including those whos in a relationship, want - peace in mind. My mind was always not in good form , when i was in a relationship. Peace was always quickly restored after each breakup. i would feel like a triumph if i could still be single after 3 years. i guess maybe at that time i would be more ready...but who knows? maybe never. :)

I can so relate to what you wrote about not feeling in need of a relationship. Sometimes I do get weary of feeling like "the only one" and thinking my associates don't understand me. I would like to have a relationship I can call upon as needed. I know that sounds pretty selfish but that is how I feel. The pressures of trying to please another person at my own expense is not something I crave. <br />
You are not the only one who feels this way. There is "me". If I were to identify with an animal it would probably be the bear.

Melssyoung: You know when something in your gut simply is telling you something is NOT RIGHT about the relationship - something is missing, whether or not you can put your finger on what that actually is. Step one is listening to your intuition; step two is having the courage to follow it.

Wow, you sound just like me. Pretty, successful, got money and all on your own. I come from 5 kids too. My parents are a divorced mess though. <br />
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Everybody wants someone to be with though. I want a family and a husband but I don't want to have to be miserable to get it.<br />
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Maybe it takes working through the bad to get to the good. But then how do you know what is bad enough to get out????

"I want a family and a husband but I don't want to have to be miserable to get it" is preciely the way I feel about marriage. I am much better off alone than miserable and in a relationship. The lesser of two evils anyway, unfortunately!

Thanks, Outsider... I do feel fulfilled within myself, but so much so that I sometimes ask myself, "What's the point of having a relationship? Why do people bother?" It's a bit of a mystery to me, yet it seems like I'm the only one (that I know of) who feels that way!