Not Looking, Just Waiting.

I am 21. I have yet to be in a legitimate relationship.

Legitimate in the sense that both people have romantic feelings for each other and express them, I guess.

I've had "flings" that I can only loosely identify as such because I wasn't serious (who knows if they were) and I don't progress physically if I don't like someone like that.

That being said, I've been physical with a few people I had feelings for.. but the love wasn't returned. Not quite a "friends with benefits" kind because of the lack of consistency, just.. friends hooking up. At least, I was desperate and selfish enough to make it seem that's all it was.

There's only been one person who seemed genuinely interested in me. Someone who didn't mind my craziness, my oddness, my weird obsessions.. he accepted me who I was. I considered him, but I was in the process of getting over someone and I felt like he would merely be a rebound; I couldn't do that to someone. But situations like that seem to always be my luck. I'm always interested in someone, but it never works out.

In general, I dislike being pursued. Perhaps it's a little gender confusion on my part. I don't like playing the role of the "female" if I were to be with a man. I rather dislike the idea of being treated as such. I don't quite want to be the "man" either... I just want a lack of gender roles, pretty much.

I am also attracted to women. Well, tomboys specifically, probably because their personalities clash less with me. But I have yet to find a female who would actually consider me. I'm just too awkward.

And then a couple of months ago I was lead on pretty bad.. but it was the closest I ever felt to having something "real".

Guess I just have to wait even longer for someone to let me sweep them off their feet. :/


cannibox cannibox
18-21, F
Jul 15, 2010