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And Probably Never Will. (sorry This Ended Up Being Longer Than I Thought)

Always been single, looks like I always will be. It's not as if I've never had feelings for anyone, because I have. Lost too many friends because of it though so I don't see any point trying to have a relationship with anyone. I'm always going to be rejected. Trying to get used to the idea that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. Many people have given me reasons for why I am single. The popular choice being to blame it on the fact I have facial hair (There are plenty of women with boyfriends with facial hair, so that's clearly not a reason.). The way I dress. I like being well dressed. Have women suddenly decided that they don't like well dressed men? I even remember someone first complimenting me on how well I dress then after hearing that I've always been single then blaming it. Points for consistency there. Even my Mum is on the act. “You're too honourable.” is her suggestion. Oh also a grand total of two dates in my life. The best one ended with a kiss, now we are just friends. The wonderful get out of “I don't want a relationship at the moment.” Why did you invite me out on a date with you then? Oh my favourite one of my collection of “I don't want a relationship at the moment.” is when I get that line then a week later I find out she is in a relationship with a man she met a couple of days after me. He didn't get that line. Thanks for lying to me. I understand you are trying to spare my feelings but I don't like being lied to. Sorry, heavy emotions here. Apologies for the rant. Wonder if I should write a book? 101 ways to be rejected. Including the indirect rejections, that you can't tell are rejections at first but sooner or later you figure out that you are never going to see said person again. It's nice that someone would pretend to be seriously ill to get out of seeing you. It was inventive though, it's an excuse you can use over and over. I gave up with her before she had to pretend to be dead. It's also surprising to me that when I tell female friend that I've never had a relationship they seem shocked. I would have thought there was something universally apparent about me that would make so many women do all in their power to avoid me especially the ones I'm attracted to. They have even reeled off a list of why I would make a good boyfriend. They may as well be reading off a list of reasons why I'm unattractive. Smart dresser: already established that my being well dressed is clearly a turn off. Intelligent: I'm a physicist. I'm sure it's impressive to some people but most aren't interested in physics. Even the physicist girls when I was studying in Oxford wouldn't date me. Friendly: equivalent to nice guy. As we know nice guys finish last. I've seen many posts on the internet trying to refute this claim. Yeah sure you can argue it away all you like, doesn't stop you going all mushy of some bad boy who treats you like dirt and you love him even more for doing it. Honestly I know women aren't all like that, just the ones who actually would stay with a nice man are all taken by nice men. Nice men aren't exactly in short supply. I'm not about to pretend to be a bad boy to try and attract a girl. That would be selling myself out. Besides they wouldn't love me, just who I was pretending to be and it would get exhausting after a while. Anyway sorry about being long and a bit of a rant. Any constructive advice welcome. Oh yes, and before you say it. I know I'm cynical, it comes with being rejected so much. It's not easy to try and forget the past, any recommendations on that too might be helpful. I have tried to take every person as an individual and told myself she isn't like such and such and other person and so forth, but it still ends up the same.
Adam42life Adam42life 22-25, M 9 Responses Apr 11, 2011

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All you young people so worried about finding a mate... I'm 12 years single now (I'm nearly 43, do the math)... it's much harder in your mid-30's to find someone.

What's holding you back from having who you want? You definitely need to worry about this rather than being down about never having a relationship. You're at an age where life starts to move faster... you have to keep up. I hope you are keeping up now.

Take care.

I did not begin a relationship until I was 36. She was bookish, enjoyed performing arts, and looked very normal in public. She wanted kids. I looked no further and married her. We have been married 22 years. We have had our differences, but it was worth waiting for. Between graduating from high school and meeting her, I spent 20 years walking along the open sewer that was youthful sex during the 1970s and 80s -- but I never fell in. When I met my wife, I was a blank slate with a totally healthy body. She could not say the same.<br />
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You say you are 22-25. Be patient, good things may yet come your way.

I believe my main reason for not being in any serious relationship is because I have learning disabilities such as A.D.D and Aspergers. I'm also analytical.<br />
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I managed to succeed through grade school, college and get a job as a courtesy clerk but I've stayed single throughout my whole life. The only kind of woman I'll probably end up with, is someone with similar problems like me.

Wow. I really agree with a lot of these comments. First, the last two are probably partially right. You may not be looking in the right places. Do you wait for girls to hit on you or "seem interested"? I know from experience, academia is a hard place to find a date, everyone's either too busy, too full of themselves or already married. <br />
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But it's all programming. Not you, the girls who rejected you. Like I told a friend who's having a similar problem: it's like vanilla ice cream. (So excuse the shoddy metaphor, its the best I could come up with)<br />
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All day, every day, on TV, radio, movies, news, magazines, even the internet, people are told vanilla is the best flavor. And they believe it, so it's all they every try. You just need to find someone who appreciates the two scoops of super awesome chocolate wonder crunch that is you. She's out there. But finding girls made of super awesome chocolate wonder crunch, is a lot harder than finding girls made of vanilla. But when you do find her, it will have been worth it.

"I know from experience, academia is a hard place to find a date, everyone's either too busy, too full of themselves or already married. "
From long experience, I agree.

Off topic, but I really want ice cream now.

Right. Maybe you're picking the wrong girls to date. There are many girls that wanted to meet nice guys. Me myself wanted to, cause mostly guys give off the idea of being bad boy,kinda rude for me. Dont wait, enjoy the moment and you'll see, Ms. Right is just waiting for you.

Wait. Just hunker down and wait. You'll meet the right girl eventually, so don't stop trying. There are girls out there who feel the same way and you'll meet one eventually. Though (just a guess here) maybe you're going after the wrong girls. Try the shy, quiet ones. They'll usually surprise you with just how awesome they are.

I see you have gotten the why you would be a great boyfriend speech to. It ****** me off when I get the you will make some girl........(some girl other then me) vary happy. Girls don’t want nice guys they want change the bad boy iin to a nice guy. I think there is something fundamental that guys like us are missing. Something so fundamental that people don't notes it so they can't tell us what it is.

I see you have gotten the why you would be a great boyfriend speech to. It ****** me off when I get the you will make some girl........(some girl other then me) vary happy. Girls don’t want nice guys they want change the bad boy iin to a nice guy. I think there is something fundamental that guys like us are missing. Something so fundamental that people don't notes it so they can't tell us what it is.

You probably haven't thought of this, BIMHO you're a victim of Wall Street.. They're the ones telling us we can't be happy alone.. married, kids, new cars and frequent vacations hither and yon, it's all a bunch of crap. I do, though, know what it's like to be betrayed. What keeps me alone now is that I'm NEVER going to get hurt like THAT again. I barely survived the first one, suicidality and the works. It appears to me that finding someone who respects you as much as you do yourself, is so rare that it might as well be discounted. Good luck to you, BTW my cats don't give me any grief. They like the same things on TV that I do!