Am I That Scary?

I don't know what it is. I've been described as kind, thoughtful, considerate, intelligent, a good listener. Even been called cute and handsome a few times. Though they might have just been saying that since I never heard from any of those women again after the first date.

Maybe it's the job... I work long hours. Really long hours. But I haven't had it that long. And this isn't a new problem.

Maybe it's that I'm a huge geek. But I'm generally attracted to geeky girls anyway.

Maybe it's the big, boisterous laugh? The dry wit and sometimes strange sense of humor?

Maybe it's because I'm reserved. I'm not a one date and its in the pocket kinda guy. Nor do I go for one-nighters.

I just don't know. No one told me, all I know is that every time I go out with a girl I never hear from her again. And they seem to enjoy themselves, I certainly do, no-one one appears overly self conscious or intimidated. We have good conversations and generally a good time. That's what makes it so much worse when they all disappear afterwards. Impossible to reach them, they never call back. Don't answer their emails. Whatever, its always the same.

And never, ever can I get a plain, straight, "you're an a--hole, screw off" rejection. Hell, at this point, I'd like to be rejected, even one of those wishy-washy, "I just don't think I like you that way" rejection. I'd even take "get away from me you creep" just for the novelty. At least that way you know where you stand. But no, they just disappear, leaving me to wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong.

I do need a woman in my life right now. It's not about the sex, it's never been. I'm sure its nice (not that I would know...) but what I really need is the intimacy. Knowing that somebody cares. I wonder what it feels like to hold hands. To hug. To kiss. But the way its going now... Well...
swordsaint swordsaint
22-25, M
13 Responses Jul 18, 2011

When you say you never hear from these women, do you mean that you are contacting them and they are not responding?

Try a group date or something have a 3rd party a friend evaluate what went wrong. By the way your an amazing writer. Make a book for me =D<br />
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I had a slight different experience, people on the street are afraid of me. They act like I might mug them or something.<br />
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O well.. may be your strange sense of with that...if u r not good with humour avoid that..humour will come to u..good luck

i think you're not scary at all. i like the way you converse with people and i adore you for that..but you make simple things discusses too much.analyses too much.sometimes, you don't need to analyze things---it will make you more confuse.

I have one question. How do girls not go on a second date with you?<br />
I know that this was posted a while ago, but you seem perfect.<br />
Hope things get, or have already gotten, better for you.

lol, you'd have to ask them, nobody ever told me... Kinda frustrating, tbh, if they did then I'd know what I need to work on. &gt;__&lt;
And ty :) You're sweet!

PFFF...THIS IS LIKE....UNBELIVABLE! im not wrriting stories about myself...but its like uv written them for me....

i honestly can't relete to wanting to date in person. i have wesyophobia, fear of germs and contamination. i don't like touch i think kissing and sex is just plain dissgusting, but i do currently have an online boyfriend which is the only one i've ever had. i've been with him for about a year. i am also told i am a good looking person, funny, and alaround a great person that they would date me, but no one ever dates me. <br />
maybe you should try an online relationship first. people tend to be more honest, and communi=cate better online. if there is a problem that you don't know about someone online will tell you what they think it is.<br />
best of luck!<br />
the frog

Sorry if my comment came across as harsh. I'm in frustrated-bitter mode right now. Sorry :(

No problem! Hope you feel better soon :)

At least you've been on a date. Obviously you're not too bad. I've never been anywhere close to being asked out on date.<br />
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Honestly, a lot of women say that look for the qualities you mentioned above but those things don't really matter as much as chemistry. Haven't you ever seen a couple and wonder why that girl is with a complete jerk? <br />
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Maybe you're not going for the right kind of girls? A lot of guys think they can have a super hot girl that looks like a model and then wonder why they got rejected and think that all women are evil. Maybe if some of you guys went for girls who don't normally get a lot of attention from guys you'd have some success.<br />
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Something to think about...

I'm sorry you've never been asked out... Maybe you could try taking the initiative? I realize it goes against social norms, but many guys find a woman who can be forward and take charge attractive.
I'm unwilling to chalk it up to chemistry, there has to be something I'm doing wrong, otherwise I'd have to believe my faulty pheromones will stop me being in a relationship forever and that's just too discouraging to contemplate.
I go for girls that seem intelligent, kind, strong and share at least some of my interests. Looks only enter into it in a peripheral sense. That probably makes me weird, but that's just who I am.
Thanks for the comment :) I appreciate you taking the time and I hope things look up for you in the future!

I have tried taking the initiative, and I got rejected, so I'm not going to be doing that anymore. If someone likes me enough they will ask me out. No one has asked me out because no one likes me enough.

I am with you on that Hydronica, I have given up too.

p.s. i didnt have tiem to read the whole thing lol so my commetn was not thorough

Haha that's fine :) Thanks for your comment all the same!

hm, well what you describe about yourself sounds ideal and hard for a gir lto find--so my guess is that you either give off the impression that you're too busy with work for them or just don't show enough confidence (which unfortunately, psychologically speaking, is very important for a guy to seem attractive since men are supposed to be strong and provide etc)

Haha yeah, I probably do give that impression. Having meetings every night at 11PM except fridays and wednesdays probably does not help. But I have responsibilities and I'm not willing to just shirk them. My work is extremely important to me, I've put in so much time and effort into this company... I will have more time off soon though, but right now is a really critical time. Confidence is also a factor I'm sure, I've been working on that though, working on this company has helped tremendously actually, but it's true that I still know and understand nothing as far as the dynamics of relationships, and maybe it shows...

But its probably the work... I actually fell asleep watching a movie on one rather memorable date (in my defense, it was crunch time and I'd only slept about 3h the night before)... But I'm still incredibly embarrassed when I think about that...
In all honesty, I would make the time though, one of the main reasons I work so much is because it keeps my mind too busy to get lonely.

when you call them after the 1st date do you set up the next one, or do they avoid you and you never get to talk to them.

I try to set up the second one, but mainly I don't even get to talk to them at all... I set up a 2nd date twice this year, one seemed to go well, but it got awkward at the end and she doesn't answer my calls anymore, we talk a little on facebook though, which is a bit bizarre, she always went offline when I suggested doing something though (with no goodbye or anything), so I stopped trying after a few times of that. Second one stood me up and doesn't call back when I call her. (nb: it's not like I call excessively tho, like once or twice in the space of a few days, then wait for them to call. I figure if they don't call back, calling more is probably just annoying them anyways. Sometimes I try again after a week. Hasn't worked yet, so idk.)

Your experience sounds virtually identical to mine. Not that I have any good advice since I don't have it figured out either, but I guess it helps to know that you're not the only one in this boat. Only thing I can say is that I work pretty long hours too (and even when I don't I'm usually pretty drained mentally by the end of work), so I'm trying to find more of a balance between work and personal time, so that I have more time and energy to get out of my house. I'm also looking for new ways just to connect to others and expand my social network, which is how I came by EP.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this situation... If I figure it out, I will let you know. :P Trying to use EP to meet new people as well, it's been good for that so far, but found nothing in the way of a relationship. Still its early days yet.