I'll Be 32 This Month. . .

I write this alone in bed. I can not sleep. I never dated in high school or college. I've been used, abused,ignored,humiliated. I'm not fat, I'm actually slim, handsome, kind, and have a ton of friends. I have everything everyone wants. But all my life I have been alone. I hide it as best I can. I laugh, joke, I take care of people, girls aren't interested in me, and they are all married and taken. When I try to talk about it, girls spout the nonsense of being paitent, but I'm getting older. I thought I'd be married with kids by now. Guys just make fun of me. Have a one night stand, stop being a wimp. Despite all the good nature and bad nature, none of that makes me feel anything. I don't need anyone. I am just fine without anyone. But is that just how it is? I try, I don't try. I wait. I don't wait. I have forgotten about it entirely and focused on my dreams. Well I got all my dreams. Money, friends, power, everything. But I still comE home alone. Ignored and cold. I'm scared, upset, frustrated. I'm sick of it all. No one wants me. Theywant me, but not me. I thought if I was patient, it would happen. If I was relaxed, it would happen. I'm working out everyday in the hopes someone will see me, notice me, and I can stoP hiding all this pain. Do I have to kill my body to gt one person to finally see me and realize this person I know i am? I feel I am being egotistical, but after all thephysical blows I have had to take to protect
Peoples lives, I know I am a just moral person. And I am so tired of being alone. Dating sites, random parties. My birthday will have dozens of closE friends. But I won't have the one thin I have wanted sine I was six years old. jut keep waiting. Another ten, twenty years. Comforting.
QuinnMalcom QuinnMalcom
31-35, M
2 Responses Aug 17, 2011

I can't tell from this post why you are still single. I don't get a sense of who you are as a person. Maybe you should just trying so hard and just have fun. Many girls are put off by any sign of desperation. (And I'm not saying you are desperate.) But if you approach a girl from a light and friendly angle, they are more like to respond. And there is nothing wrong with going out at 1st just as friends. Go grab a coffee together, go for a walk and flirt a little. Then take it from there.

I rather go out with a woman who also same disabilities as me.

I should go into more detail one of these days. But for now it was a venting process and I feel better. It is pretty much the area I live in. Alaska is full of crazy women. :p

I have had problems with girls myself since 2nd grade. My main problem is that I have A.D.D. and Aspergers. I have some friends as girls as friends but I haven't actually been in a long term relationship.

I have an odd mix of hig anxiety and add. I worry and think until I solved it.