I'll Be 32 This Month. . .I write this alone in bed. I can not sleep. I never dated in high school or college. I've been used, abused,ignored,humiliated. I'm not fat, I'm actually slim, handsome, kind, and have a ton of friends. I have everything everyone wants. But all my life I have been alone. I hide it as best I can. I laugh, joke, I take care of people, girls aren't interested in me, and they are all married and taken. When I try to talk about it, girls spout the nonsense of being paitent, but I'm getting older. I thought I'd be married with kids by now. Guys just make fun of me. Have a one night stand, stop being a wimp. Despite all the good nature and bad nature, none of that makes me feel anything. I don't need anyone. I am just fine without anyone. But is that just how it is? I try, I don't try. I wait. I don't wait. I have forgotten about it entirely and focused on my dreams. Well I got all my dreams. Money, friends, power, everything. But I still comE home alone. Ignored and cold. I'm scared, upset, frustrated. I'm sick of it all. No one wants me. Theywant me, but not me. I thought if I was patient, it would happen. If I was relaxed, it would happen. I'm working out everyday in the hopes someone will see me, notice me, and I can stoP hiding all this pain. Do I have to kill my body to gt one person to finally see me and realize this person I know i am? I feel I am being egotistical, but after all thephysical blows I have had to take to protect
Peoples lives, I know I am a just moral person. And I am so tired of being alone. Dating sites, random parties. My birthday will have dozens of closE friends. But I won't have the one thin I have wanted sine I was six years old. jut keep waiting. Another ten, twenty years. Comforting.