It's Not Everything

To tell the truth, it might actually be a good thing in some ways. To me, having a long list of exes might say more about poor decision-making skills than how successful one has been romantically. But clearly society doesn't share that view with me, as most people use their relationship status as some kind of badge of honor, like "Oh, yeah? Well, I have a girlfriend!" As if that's a good thing in and of itself, just like how people view their loss of virginity. I think it's people's natural need for affection and attention that leads them to believe that relationships are somehow intrinsically good, like a magical, life-saving elixir. We're social animals, so, naturally, any time spent alone is going to put a strain on one's stress levels and make them feel like they have to close the gap somehow. They start picturing the gap being closed by their being in a relationship where everything's all cute and perfect. They start picturing those kinds of relationships with almost everyone they see, which leads to either desperation or foolhardy "young love" which only lasts a couple of years at best. That is, unless they can evaluate the situation and realize what's happening and why they should stop it.

So, my point is yeah, maybe I haven't been in a relationship ever, but that doesn't really mean anything. It's certainly not a bad thing by itself. It might be bad for people who let their natural cravings for attention get to them and become personal, but it's not impossible to be single and fine with it. Self-control is always an option. I've seen opportunities to get a girlfriend in the past, but never ones which seemed like they would lead to relationships based on compatibility which would last very long. That's my main priority for relationships now, is compatibility. Liking somebody does not make you compatible. You can like a member of the opposite sex without being that person's soul mate. In fact, it happens all the time.

Now, that doesn't necessarily mean I've gone cynical and think love is impossible. I think it's very possible, and so is the notion of me being in a relationship eventually (hopefully a happy, healthy one which lasts). But, even though that kind of relationship is always a possibility, it doesn't always happen. In the long run, it's all going to boil down to happenstance, coincidence, and choices which may or may not seem consequential at the time. So that's my view on relationships, and why being in one isn't necessarily the better way to be.
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7 Responses Feb 8, 2012

You're a really good writer, and a cogent thinker. I do agree with you, and I laud the fact that you are saving yourself for the right one. I would just like to point out that there IS the possibility for a happy medium between the two extremes; I'm sure you are already aware of that. :-P

Thank you for sharing your point of view.

You raise interesting and valid points. I do wonder about the learning that inevitably takes place, or is meant to take place after each relationship. We learn the sort of person we are not meant to be with, we learn what we are unable to compromise on, we learn about ourselves. Granted some people fall in love and stay with their first love for a lifetime, but that is far more a fantasy than real life.

I think there are really two issues in your post. The idea of simply not ever having a relationship, ever, I think this is a fair and valid position. If however a person hopes to have a relationship that is long standing they might benefit from trail runs with people even if those people are not the person they eventually end up with.

I think life and the relationships we have with others along the way is a journey that results in our personal improvement. I once heard a very wise man say, that he was a little bit of everyone he had ever met.

yes, but they have a choice to learn if they have relationships. No relatikonship no option for learning. It is also true that many people mess up the first relationship or two and learn a lot from that and eventually have a very healthy and rewarding relationship because of what they learning in the past.


I spent 4 tokens rating up your story--two for content and two for grammar. Oh, the wisdom! Woot!

You, my friend are wise beyond your years. I have been single for three years now. By choice. If it's not "totally there" I am simply uninterested. Why do people feel the need to fill the time, why is something "missing" if they are single. For one, I am uncomfortable being with someone I know I am not completely into and would much rather be by myself.

I definitely agree with this. I don't see the point of people being in a bunch of relationships that don't end up meaning much at all. I want something real, longterm, and happy. I'll just keep waiting until I find a guy who is compatible and committed.<br />
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I hope you end up getting that happy and healthy relationship. :)