I have neither been in a relationship nor even went out with someone I liked.
  This part of my life was nonexistant, and I kept patiently waiting for that happy future. And now I'm afraid that it will never happen, bacause for me it's now became some chimera - I don't really believe that it 's actually real.
   I never wanted to be alone, but the way my life unfolded at first it could never happen, and aftewards on top of everything being unhappy and alone became my default position. I think being alone became my primary "job," because it consumes most of my energy. And i'm stuck in a rut, and just keep on waiting. I don't have friends or family either - the way I grew up, the part of life where  love, friendship, family are concerned has always been missing. 
     I'm looking around and I am sort of amazed that I'm just like others although I'm missing these basic juman experiences. I'm not a loner, I can imagine what it would feel like to have people, and that's what I want more than anything , but i think that the best word that would apply to be is "infantile," in this respect.
Lastmy12 Lastmy12
26-30, F
2 Responses May 16, 2012

Don't hate yourself for something that's not your fault, ever seen one of those monks? They basically live an empty, dull life by our standards, but hey, look! They're happier than the majority of the world! Honestly, there are a ton of ways to fight this sadness, including fighting the world itself, because it's just cruel what it can do to other people.<br />
Respect yourself first, set your own (Literally, about yourself) standards high and try to achieve them, find some group that you can spend time with and overall, interact with them. Just don't forget, we're all in this together, the media and most hipster teenagers have destroyed the true meaning of love, and that's why we must stand against them. Somehow.

You sound like me. I wish I was stronger though so it wouldn't bother me so.