Hope Springs Eternal...

I'm 30 and I have never been in a relationship. As much as I want someone to love me, the idea scares me. You see, I was sexually abused as a child. Now I have trouble feeling anything for anyone that I don't know well and trust explicitly. I have only trusted a couple men in my life, good friends who I developed strong feelings for over a signigicant amount of time, but who couldn't love me back. I think I am a person who has a lot of love in her heart, someone who is kind and compassionate. I wonder sometimes if my past will always define my present and future and overshadow the person I am. Was i ruined as a child? Do I purposely fall for men who can't love me? Is something broken inside me that makes me incapable of feeling love and attraction "normally"? I don't know the answers to these questions, but everytime I think about just giving up, I realize I can't lose hope that I am meant to be loved. I have to believe that I am worthy of love. That I am not damaged. That I am stronger than the little girl of my past; that I can overcome.
eternalsomnambulist eternalsomnambulist
26-30, F
1 Response Sep 8, 2012

Hi! you wrote with a lot of courage here to tell about your past. I know that if ever you will find someone who will love you, He will not look at your past. May He be the one to let you forget that your past does not define your future. Some of your lines got to me "...I developed strong feelings for over a signigicant amount of time, but who couldn't love me back... I think I am a person who has a lot of love in her heart, someone who is kind and compassionate." <br />
Its like having someone say what is inside your heart. Thanks.