Like There's Something Missing From Me

I'm reading a lot of stuff on here that sounds so much like how I feel. I'm a late 20s male who's never been in a real relationship.

It's like this constant feeling that you're somehow less of a real person. I'm at that point in my life where lots of my friends are getting married, having kids and all that stuff I'd love to do someday, and I really feel like I'm getting left behind.

I'm actually passably attractive - athletic physique, lots of fun to be around, and there's usually a few girls checking me out when I go to clubs, but I feel like the proverbial dog chasing cars - no idea what to do if I catch one.

In some ways I think this makes me feel worse about the whole thing. It's like I don't have any excuse - that someone else who had the same advantages I have would make a real go of it, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for themselves.

Anytime a girl I meet socially has ever acted interested in me I can almost hear a voice in head screaming "if she knew you'd never been with anyone she wouldn't want you anymore! And she'll tell EVERYONE about it!", so I shy away. The idea of that becoming widely known in my circle of friends really scares me, I feel like they'd lose all respect for me.

There's been a few girls I've been completely infatuated with over the course of my life - and some of them could not have been closer to hinting that they felt the same way if they tackled me and wrestled me to the floor - but I felt completely crippled to act on it in case they found out this stupid "dark secret". Those are some of the most painful memories I have, the thoughts of what might have been are hard to bear sometimes.

It's like a vicious cycle - never been in a relationship because I don't want to trust someone enough to know that I've never been in a relationship.

Having had essentially zero physical contact with members of the opposite sex for most of my life, I've been making a big effort to "fake it til you make it" over the last year, and have been involved in a number of drunken one-night stand scenarios with complete strangers (there was one girl who never even told me her name...). Unsurprisingly, I found the whole experience weird, unsatisfying and a source of anxiety from beginning to end.

I've kind of put the whole thing on hold for a while - I have to get so drunk to get over my feelings of insecurity that the hangovers affects my life and work for days afterwards. I'm a professional with a career I care about, so decided it wasn't worth it on balance.

It's so incongruous to act cool, confident and charming when inside you're thinking you don't have any business being here.

I guess I need to figure out a different way to move forward with this...not sure what would be though.
caseyr445 caseyr445
26-30, M
1 Response Sep 10, 2012

"constant feeling that you're somehow less of a real person." - ironic but true; i've been feeling this way too.

which is nonsense, isn't it? there are no rules for being a person. who you are and what you do should be what defines you, not who you're with.

hard to remember that when you're getting lonely though...

exactly, but when you're 25 and never been in a relationship like me, just can't help but to sort of self pity