True. Sad. Scared.

The name of this group speaks it all. I have never been in a relationship. Sad truth, I guess, but its a struggle Im finding hard not to struggle about. I grew up as someone who did what was right and within the norms. Made my parents proud with achievements and stuffs. Obeyed most of the time. When I was in college, I had crushes here and there. Some of my friends had two or three relationships in a year but that did not really bothered me. Then came grad school. Talk about having relationships with male friends who are just what you'd think as perfect for a romantic ending. But then again, not. And then came my struggle with my self image. I still believe I would find someone who would see me as me. No pretenses needed. I get along easily with guys but do not necessarily flirt with them. I dont know If some of you would think it is a problem, but when I get along with someone, I enjoy that friendship before thinking how it may end up in a romantic way. I think friendship is one great foundation to building a relationship. But most of the time, I don't pursue that idea. Either some of them are in a long term relationships and some planning to get married. And I don't like the idea of having a relationship over someone else's heartbreak. I try to become a great friend in every way. Even knowing the other girls they like without me judging or breaking up with them. And one thing I've realized is that men are a sucker for a pretty face. So that tugs a big one on my heartstring again. I am not one 'those girls'. Im always like 'the buddy', 'the girl friday'. But never the girl. But I still like the thought of being best friends before getting romantically involved. (Im a hopeless romantic)

And there is one more thing, I am actually scared. Scared of baring my heart out. Of trusting someone. I've seen my friends over relationships before that end up bad and I learn a lot about not trusting and loving too much. I know that I could only hope for the best for me. I don't even know if I'll be ready if someone comes along. I can only give it a try and pray really hard that my first will be also be my last. c:
coffeedreamer coffeedreamer
31-35, F
2 Responses Sep 12, 2012

hi. thank you. you have such wisdom for someone young. keep that up. Godbless.

you shouldnt be scared and i know you'll find that special person that would love you for the rest of your life and not end up hurting you