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Malice Toward None

I have never had the privilege of being in a romantic relationship. My entire childhood I yearned to find a girl who would love me for me. I tried my best to be the best me and without realizing it that involved too much time becoming me and not enough getting to meet girls.
I know sex is as easy as paying someone for it, but somehow I am a guy who just does not want just sex. I love really getting to know people and I love chatting. Sometimes I chat too much and scare people off.
I know I can meet girls who come and go and a relationship may be possible, but my pride is making it a HUGE challenge. I realize it is selfish and unfair of me, but I struggle with knowing I am very capable of thriving like I do in basketball and then being the clean-up crew.
I realize if I could just rework my understanding of what a relationship means it would allow me to change my situation. But- regardless of what I do it seems people just leave me.
I guess I just do not think a relationship will occur for me. It might but it would mean lots of transformations in my thinking and in how I live.
startingpointguard33 startingpointguard33 26-30, M 3 Responses Dec 31, 2012

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Why do people leave you? It might just be them, not you. I know I can be hard on myself too but I hope that you stop being so hard on yourself. We can be our worst critic. I would encourage you to lean into the Lord, because Like it says in Psalm 37 "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart". I would also encourage you to make a list. What do you want your future wife to be like? Not just her looks, but her heart, her personality, her likes, dislikes, religion, tastes, ethnicity, etc. Oh, and pray! I know it's not always convenient to pray but I hope you find the time to pray to the Lord about your future wife and also that the Lord would do his work in you and make you the husband that your future wife needs. Have confidence in what God made you to be and go for it!

Yeah, way too often it does feel like that doesn't it. And it doesn't really matter what others might tell you at a moment like that, you will probably still feel the same way. Been there, done that. But I will say this anyways.
When you tell someone over and over he's a fool, that person will eventually believe you and stop trying. If you tell yourself over and over you will never find love and will never be in a relationship, you'll program yourself for failure before anything has even happened.
You will have a relationship. And more than one. Just stay open to the idea.

I'm a junior in high school and I find your story very relatable.