Total Virgin....

I'm a 19 year old female who has never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or been kissed. (I suppose I don't need to add I've never had sex either--not that I mind, since I'm waiting for marriage.)

There have been numerous times when the subject of boyfriends and kissing would come up and I either lied and said I have been kissed, or shamefully admitted the truth.

In all of my life, only two guys "legitimately" asked me out. (Legitimately meaning it wasn't some random man on the street who "hollas" at every woman)
The first time was when I was 12 and I freaked out and turned him down--which I regretted the next week and developed a crush on him that never went anywhere.
The second time I was a 17 and senior in high school. A freshman guy said he liked me. He wasn't really my type though (immature and a bit insensitive) so I kindly rejected him.

Sometimes, I have some crazy urges to go to a club and make out with the first decent looking guy I see. (I wouldn't do anything more than that though.) I just feel so lonely and desperate.

For a while, I managed to convince myself that I didn't care and I didn't need/want a boyfriend. But something changed just over the weekend and I just want to meet someone ASAP.

Many times though, I can't imagine myself actually having a boyfriend, or being on a date, or kissing a guy. It seems as impossible as stopping time or turning invisible.
I'd like to be proven wrong
And soon! 

MysticFae MysticFae
18-21, F
6 Responses Jul 14, 2009

Indeed, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!<br />
I've kissed when I was a kid so it doesn't really matter but lately I haven't done it either so we're on the same boat ^_^<br />
I'm sure there's lots of others aswell so you shouldn't feel ashame about it.<br />
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And.. I dont recommend going to a club like that, even thou I also thought about it I also ended up thinking that the best alternative would be not to do it.

Thats good of you if you can keep it till married..Its dignity

i have this problem.. people flirt with me all the time. mostly old disgusting men even though im way younger... i always get all panicky and embarrassed and my mother gets mad and causes a scene. but people where i live thinks its cool that im a virgin.. thats weird....

I am sorry this seems like a personally hurtful situation, I hope you can stick with your intuition and keep your personal morals high

I remember that feeling... of wanting a relationship, yet the sensation that it was impossible.<br />
<br />
Then, I got into one, and was thrown into such a cycle of romantic drama that I laughed at how I used to think it was impossible. It comes just when you give up on it, when you least expect it.<br />
<br />
You are a confident and beautiful person, who knew what you wanted and what you didn't want in a guy. You didn't accept that guy senior year because you knew what you were worth, and didn't fling yourself at just anyone desperately. That kind of confidence will do you well, and bring you a guy who's truly deserving of you.

You sound like a really nice person - I am certain that if you put yourself out there more you would have a boyfriend in no time.

I personally think there is no shame in that. everyone has their own preferences, you just might not have found the right person yet. I suggest you not do the club idea you have or anything that radical of some sort. if you have kept your composure and decency until now, don't lose it in a random instinct. maybe its not the right time yet...but who might get lucky and find the right person for you. don't put yourself down in this matter, not all relationships are nice and cloud nine stuff. remember there is always a right place and time for something, you just have to be ready i guess. good luck.