The Name Says It All

I'm 24, and all my life, I've been getting compliments about how beautiful or stylish I am, so people who meet me now would be surprised that I don't have a boyfriend, and have never had a serious relationship.  However, people who have known me longer would understand that I've always been sort of a nerd, and my idiosyncracies, combined with my shyness and poor social skills, are by no means conducive to dating.  I've never been in love.  I may have had a few silly infatuations, but I can't honestly say I know what love is.  All I know is that it seems that either I like someone who isn't interested in me, or someone I don't want to be in a relationship with is interested in me.  It's hard for me to find a man I'm attracted to.  If I do, it's anybody's guess whether or not he'll be available and return my sentiments.  I also have a hard time trusting people. 
I know that getting to know a person is important.  Men I thought were good-looking before I learned more about their not-so-attractive personalities now seem ugly to me.  I think it works the other way, too.  So I'm no longer setting too much stock in the way a guy looks or dresses (I've seen guys change their personal style to impress the girls they've fallen for; my brother-in-law went from "surfer boy" to "GQ" after he met my sister).  However, I don't show a lot of emotion, which gives guys little indication of my feelings toward them.  If they don't get enough signs to feel confident that I won't reject them, they won't try to ask me out or anything like that.  I certainly won't make the first move.  I still feel that grown men should be able to take the iniative, of course, in a polite and respectful way.  I may have already missed an opportunity for love.  I've been reading up on the subject so I might be able to know when I'm falling in love with someone.  I believe in love, but I still kind of feel like it won't happen for me.  I don't think the purpose of my existence is simply to find love, and I didn't really start caring about it until this year.  Maybe it's got a little to do with how many women I know who are about my age and are already married, but I'm not jealous.  I'm still trying to establish a career, so now is not the opportune time for me to get married, but I would like to have a husband and my own house some day.  But I will have to find someone I love first, and I don't know how I'll do that.  If I do, but can't express my feelings for someone, he might give up, find someone else, or move away.  So, I sort of feel like I can't win.  I know I can and will stay fixated on the same person for a year or more, so that will hurt me, too.  

ClassOf200Hate ClassOf200Hate
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 5, 2010

I'm 24 too, never been in love, only kissed once :-(<br />
Doesn't help that people tell me I'm pretty and smart (not tooting my own horn but I think I am pretty and smart too, semi-geek but its never bothered me). But I've never been in a serious relationship though I am friendly and approachable. I get along with people from all backgrounds so I am not sure where the problem is. Maybe for me, its just a simple case of I should wait a little longer. We'll see.

I understand the issue of personality traits not being conducive to dating. My social skills are less than great. If I looked at life as a software program, relationships are a feature I don't support. <br />
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One of the things I've found most curious about love is that it's a powerful feeling that we're all evidently required to feel at some point in life, yet there's no general consensus of what love is. It just strikes me as odd that something so important doesn't have a more concise meaning.<br />
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I understand how you're feeling, though. It does often feel like a no-win situation, or one that may be a win-situation, but only for a short while.

Wow, when I first read it I feel like, is this me? I feel the same way as you do, but not the stylish fashionable one, i'm not. But yeah, I haven't felt really in love with someone. I mean I'm still searching what love is and I witnessed my friends being in love and I realize that I've never felt the way they feel ever in my life. And just like you, it's really hard for me to trust people and also to find someone I love. Sometimes I say to myself why can't I love those who like me? But I guess it's not the way it is. It seems that I always had feeling for someone out of my reach, someone who never loves me.<br />
Well, I guess I hope you will find ur loved one soon and hope the best for you.