I Have Never Been In Love

Reasons Why We Never Find Love

By: pursuitoftheblackwidow

Written on April 5th, 2012

For years I've been writing about relationships and all forms of engagement as seen in pessimist world. Assumptions grew stronger given the increasing statistics of unstable marriages and relationships. Lately though, faith lead me to change the direction of my conquest by documenting the greatest love stories.. and I mean those that stood through time. I realized that although our time made everyone socially accessible to anyone and anywhere, this has also limited the opportunities for genuine relationships, hence finding love. Reasons are,

Interest is based on profiles and images.

Love which grows from investing time to knowing the person has shortened.If its going to be defined, the basis should be lifetime.

There's always the practical considerations. When we've grown dependence on someone, subconsciously, we drive ourselves to love the need more than the person.

Although relationships should be two way, expectations are set to take back whatever is given.

Sexual satisfaction comes more than everything else. I am guilty of it anyway, but still the conquest has not clouded my personal preference.

I have to admit that standards and definition based on cultural and social orientation still has to be polished in my studies. But I'm closer to getting there.

This is the blackwidow who lives for her purpose. Thanks!

By: pursuitoftheblackwidow

Age: 31-35 , Female

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30 responses

coolsmile

just let it go - you seems nice. Sometime our thinking is our own enemy !

Apr 21, 2012
1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  how do u let it go..
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- coolsmile
  mindfulness meditation and talk to a friend and counsellor!
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  i believe in meditation more than anything else.. and I don't think its a dysfunction to not be romantically involved with someone or recognize feelings associated to such.. how do u know it is what it is..
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- coolsmile
  feelings are subjective means can not be raionalised. Love is psychological process only experience will tell you what is it like!
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  like that perspective..if its psychological in nature..which is developed solidly in early stages..that makes our thinking.. which made me too.. so another experience could change it..
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- coolsmile
  exactly ! love peopl sharing for another in experiencial but it is so complex they use the word "love"!
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  people have to associate things or a concept to a name or you'd go crazy not knowing what it is..
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- coolsmile
  could feel it - that is the biggest experience. If you can name it and express that is better ! lol
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  biggest experience-- alien for me..at the moment.. :)
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- coolsmile
  your anlaytical learner ! try to to be an experiencial learner ! hope this help !
  Start experiencing small things !
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  its a question of how do u stop mind from working
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- coolsmile
  you will never able to stop ! you just guide the mind _
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  no one guides the mind but the mind itself.. unless i have another hidden somewhere.. jokin.. but i get what you mean..
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
10 More Replies
MsOracle

I have felt love for my two husbands but they were unable to show me this love in return . Idon't think much about it as it's all I knew but I realize i missed out on it all and now as I reflect , it's sad. I'm 67 and health issues give me reason to believe I don't have a long time to live. I welcome death in a way and have asked the Good Lord if my dog Pal could meet me at the gates as I knew he loved me more than anyone could .

Apr 20, 2012
1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  how about, I can be that person for you.. :)
  
  Apr 20, 2012
  1 like
- MsOracle
  How very sweet you are. Thank you!
  
  Apr 20, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  just send me a message when you want to.. take care..
  
  Apr 21, 2012
  1 like
CopperCoil

you just studying western "love stories" of an individual nature or more sociology of sexual marital practices from around the world? or are you going to intertwine the two? are you aiming to find some kind of universal formula for lasting love of a romantic nature? what of the 80 year old couple that just gets along well but long lost the sexual component to the relationship? can romantic love even exist without sexuality? using a lifetime as the basis and ultimate criteria for defining "lasting love" seems odd, are you going to rely then on hearsay to determine the loves validity for surly the couple will have had to have died to meet the criteria? and if you talk to a widow or widower about their relationship, how do you know you are not just getting one side of the story? are you going to include eyewitness accounts of supposed love, and scrutinize any and all possible personal motivations others might have for seeing a certain relationship in a grandiose way? how will you determine what is fact and what is biased opinion? or are you just going to tell the story and leave it to the reader to determine for himself the likelihood of the story being proof of this lasting love, and just because a love lasts might not make it a great love, it could just be couple that works well together and are more or less just lifelong friends, and if so shouldn't you include life long friendships as examples of a lasting love as well? what about pets? i mean people commonly love their pets from birth to death. are these not worthy of inclusion? what of nuns who marry jesus as a life long love? what could be purer than that? what are you trying to do ruin love?

Apr 5, 2012
1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  man.. your brain's completely whacked with ideas. And I thought i think too much. But I'm so glad to put some of that in perspective. I'd have to limit engagement in terms of relationship with opposite sex. Love is universal..so differences in race or culture might not be a factor. But sociological and religion association play a role in defining it. Still trying to figure out how concepts are implemented.. whether as story being told or pretty much further discussion of stories documented..
  
  Apr 5, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  look.. i know the concept itself is too complex and big enough to define.. which is why I've limited studies to set expectation of what I just want to achieve as far as results..
  
  Apr 5, 2012
  1 like
- CopperCoil
  do you consider the possibility that love is an unprovable thing like faith in god? that love is not an emotion at all.. that maybe love is the lack of all other interfering emotions.. that love is something else entirely, and thus why it is impossible to predict, control, etc. you can make someone afraid, you can make someone angry, you can make someone want you, but you can't make anyone love you more than you can make yourself love another. seems to me you are looking for something that can not be found or quantified only experienced directly.
  
  Apr 5, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  you got a point.. but then let's not forget that its not a regular word we just associate to a feeling.. people have quantified it in different terms.. if we're going to define it the same way as faith, then there's no point to making an argument.. if the basis is quantifiable in terms of descriptive standards, then there is a case..
  
  Apr 5, 2012
  1 like
- CopperCoil
  i myself find love easiest to understand and define in terms of what it is not, than what it is. ill buy your book. the noblest pursuits throughout history, at the time, were often seen as the most foolhardy.
  
  Apr 5, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  appreciate your wit.. sometimes you have to believe and do somethin' outrageous to realize life's worth more than what's already known and as seen..
  
  Apr 5, 2012
  1 like
- livespark
  I believe you have fallen for the modern mistake of what love is...or entails. Back when America had real morals people actually fell in love without having sex first. The boy even had the audacity to 'ask' the dad if he could marry the girl of his dreams. We need to regain this perspective and see if we can figure out why sex has become marriage. This also explains why so many marriages fail. Sex is not love. As we grow older- and sometimes through injury or nature- sex, for one partner, the other or both, becomes a non-issue. Friendship and companionship are more important (and should be from the start, really). Our society is failing because we have lost the proper perspective on...... a lot of things including marriage and love.
  
  Apr 6, 2012
  1 like
- livespark
  I believe you are right. Love "is quantifiable in terms of descriptive standards" and much more. The Greek (where we get most of the words we use definitions and clarification) only has 4 or 5 words for love. They cover everything. English has possibly thousands of definitions for the word love- I love my...dog, Jeep, house, guns, friends, wife, big screen (lol) and so many more. We have distorted the real meaning of love by not knowing what it really means (words mean things). Only in the last 50 or so have we lost consciousness of love's meaning. "Let's make love" is a dirty phrase for justifying having sex with someone else- sometimes complete strangers (as amazing as it is shocking!). For 5,000 years human history has shown us what true love is...and isn't. I believe if we are ever to become a great nation again we need to look backwards to go forwards. Morality, justice, chivalry and love have all but been discarded. There was a time when women were viewed as the weaker but, indeed, greater sex. But no longer- to our shame, I believe.
  
  Apr 6, 2012
  1 like
- pursuitoftheblackwidow
  respect and agree with some points you've discussed.. but the odds are not really based in time.. Time only proves liberation of human as far as expression, which makes the lack of love more inherent. Just because the couple have had the chance to have sex only during marriage, or they've gone through the process of conventional courtship.. doesn't mean they're excluded from failures.. the only reason they'd probably stay together leads to innumerable practical considerations.
  
  Apr 7, 2012
  1 like
6 More Replies
pursuitoftheblackwidow

I appreciate your honesty and completely agrees with your point view. The rarity of that perspective keeps me from committing to anyone. Would love to hear your story in details. Might want to add it on the book I'm working. thanks!

Apr 5, 2012
1 like
livespark

I am an optimistic realist. Some have other views- hopeless romantic or eternal optimist. But my view is- as simple as it is- if we don't try to find love we'll never know true happiness. God designed us all to need each other and someone from the opposite sex. I've heard the phrase it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Baloney! It hurts hard to be hurt at all.

Depending on your age honey society has surely clouded and adversely impacted your worldview. Love is meant to be forever. While we tend to add things to it in ways that support our love for our mate we also need to start out as friends, not sex partners. Having sex before marriage is a sure setup for a disasterous relationship. I know I married early- due to pregnancy- and have been married 3 times. The last one, having learned a lot from the first two, for 30 years now. My present wife is a gift from God. I don't deserve this lady but I thank God for her all of the time! :)

Have a nice day.

Apr 5, 2012
1 like

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