Never Been In Love

I'm 34 years old. I have 17 yrs old son but I've never been in a relationship longer than 3 months.
And I love my son ofcourse. I love my cat and my dog too.
So I CAN love, but I just cannot fall in love. Still I long so much to have a serious loving relationship have a family a house-you know it- But whenever a guy is showing that they like me I lose whatever it was that I first saw in him. and retreat. I only see his negative sides and what does not suits me/us as a couple.
I seem to not be able to be with someone if I don't have feelings for him-I can't "fake a relationship".
I think I'm scared of relationships. Maybe I'm scared of being hurt or fall in love and be left alone again?
My mother never had a serious realtionship-and I didn't grow up with a father. Both my parents are dead. It kills med that my mom never once had someone who loved her och she loved back.
And I don't want to be like her!
I WANT to fall in love-be with a man that I love and with whom I can share my life with. But how do i do to meet him? And where? how do I do to stay and let him in in my life?
I just don't know how!
I know that I am shy and I don't give away hints or flirt-I need seriously start drinking before I can be social with men. But that isn't me-not the honest me.
What cand I do-I don't wanna die alone like my mom did and still I running i her fotsteps!
I might want it to much? I dunno. I know I still need to work on my self image and work with Codependent issues as well. But I want to know how do I take the first steps towards a relationship?

I'm a swedish woman so please be understanding for grammar and spelling mistakes!
I'm so happy to have found this site-and read about other like me-I feel so alone!

111guest 111guest
31-35, F
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

hello dear i feel like you're stuck in a in the same sitch,sort of..sorry for all the pains you've gone thru..start over,start slow,take it from there..if you feel a genuine connection,dont let the negative feelings n thoughts take the best of what you have going..its not easy of course..tell him ur worries n fears rather than run from them..if he can succeed at making it a two way street sharing with you, he's a keeper!! much love